There are times in one's life where you look back and wish you could take something you did as the memory of it still haunts us sometimes.
I remembered when I was in school, my friends and I made a kind of promise to ourselves that we would always celebrate our birthdays together. What we planned then was that whenever any of us have our birthday fast approaching, we would contribute money and cook food to celebrate the person.
I recall that one of us had her birthday fast approaching and like we promised,we made the calculations of what it would cost us to prepare rice and chicken and found out each of us will pay 1000 naira ($1.27) as we were five in number.
The next day everyone brought their money except me. As at the time I knew we were tight with funds at home but then I was the only one remaining that is yet to pay.
I was being pressured to pay the money as I was the only one delaying us carrying out the preparations. I have no means of getting money since I was still in secondary school but then I dont want to disappoint my friends so I lied to my mum that I need 1000 naira ($1.27) for practicals in school.
I told her that paying for the practical will determine if we pass to the next class or not because it will take about 50% of our grades. I knew she wouldn't understand what I was saying and I knew my mum will move the Earth if she could if it will stand against me and my studies.
She immediately brought out her purse and gave me the money and I took it happily.
The next day I went to school and gave the money to one of my friend who is in charge of collecting the money.
After the close of the day, I was on my way home and I was close to my house when I started hearing voices coming from the direction of my house. I listened carefully and I found out that a woman is raising her voice at my mum while my mum is pleading for more time.
I was in front of the house now and I saw the woman who sells "garri"(Known as Cassava Flakes) shouting at my mum and kept saying my mum promised her that her money will be paid to her that day but here now my mum is asking for more time.
Apparently, my mum collected "garri" from her on credit and told promised her she would get her money the day she comes around and my mother had the money with her but she gave me for my "practical".
The woman left after series of begging and promised to be back the next day. I saw the look of pain on my mum's face seeing as the woman came to embarrass her and at night when she thought we were all asleep,I heard her silent cries and I felt so guilty seeing as I was the cause of it.
The next day at school, my friend in charge of the cooking already prepared and packaged the food and gave us so we could eat and celebrate together.
As I collected mine, I immediately pictured the pained expression on my mum's face. I looked at the food and lost appetite as I thought of what she went through because of me.
I took the food and went to give it to Peter, one of my classmates whose parents always give a lot of money to school according to him hoping he would buy it from me.
" Peter, do you want to buy rice and chicken?", I asked showing him the food. Peter looked at the food hungrily and asked for the price I want to sell it and I told him 1000 naira($1.27).
" For what na, I can only pay 500 naira", he concluded. I was pained but then I knew no other student can buy it from me except Peter so I had no choice but to sell the food to him for half the price.
Since I was able to get half of the money,I lied to my mom again telling her that the teacher got something else for the practical and refunded half of the money.
Luckily, she was able to get the other half so when the woman came around, my mom was able to pay her.
I was happy but I knew I had to tell the truth as it has been bugging me all day. I knelt in front of my mum and explained the whole thing to her, she was very disappointed but later forgave me as long as it doesn't repeat itself.
I was so ashamed of myself and though mum forgave me, I was still haunted by the guilt for a very long time and looking back I still regret what I did.
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BEERKING.Sometimes the mistake we make in the past always haunts us and it's usually hard to let go.
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Mothers can go to any extreme to make sure we are fine, I love the fact that you felt remorseful and found a way to return the money. I am glad your mum later forgave you.
Same here. I felt so bad I made her go through that.
Thank you for coming around.
Well I think you're super brave and quite marvelous to have figure out your mistake, owned it and fixed it so quickly 👀
Your mama must be super proud of you! :D
Nothing wrong with making a mistake on impulse or because of fear. Only human.
And regrets are futile. And now you know that lesson and haven't made the same mistake so... hmmm... that would make the regret a bit of a shame because you learned that lesson from the mistake.
See?
I do wish we would be more kind to ourselves. And compassionate. I suspect we would all learn a lot faster than we do if we could just be more kind and forgiving to ourselves of our mistakes!
This reminded me of Lady macBeth's speech!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate your time here.
It’s hard to admit that you’ve done the wrong thing, but you stood up to the task and your mother probably loves you all the more for it. Poignant and evocative story.
Thank you so much for the feedback.
I'm glad your mom forgave you. I guess that's what mothers do :)
That guilt may feel like a bad thing to have but it's actually what keeps us from doing the same mistakes again and help us improve ourselves
Yes, mothers are the best. I'm always happy for mine.
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Wow!! That's so touching, I have made that kind of lies many times. Only God knows what I made my parents go through. It's really not easy, our parents are doing well for us. I pray you make money someday to make her proud. I am happy that you returned the money even though it was not complete and still told her the truth. You did the right thing. And you need to let the guilt go.
#dreemerforlife #dreemport
Yes, I am glad I did too. It helped lessen the weight of the guilt I felt.
Thank you for stopping by.
You are welcome 🤗
When people do wrong, usually they are fully aware of it. The guilt often drives them to make amends. I'm sure you felt much better for having come clean to your mom rather than keeping it from her.
I dropped in from Dreemport this evening.
#dreemerforlife
Oh I did felt a bit better and I made sure I didn't make her go through such again.
Thank you for coming around. I appreciate your time here.