There is a transient state between sleeping and waking that belongs to me alone. It is a world of dreams, and uncertainty, where tomorrow never comes, but all my yesterdays still exist. It is a place where I spend most of my time.
I love you, you know that! It's just...I can't... I can't do this anymore...
I feel awful for being the one to throw in the towel. If you'd asked me 2 years ago whether I could ever have imagined being in this position, I would have laughed in your face. It was impossible to contemplate... yet, here we are.
Stefan's parents have both passed in the intervening years; covid whipped them both away from us before their time. It knocked him for six. When he had come out to them at 16 years old, they had shown him such love and acceptance. When we then met and fell for each other just a few years later, they had welcomed me into the family with open arms and kindness in their hearts. They had championed us from the start and it had meant the world to us both. And now, his biggest cheerleaders, his Mom, and Dad were no longer there for him. But, that wasn't all. Stef hasn't worked in nearly two years, covid also claimed his career... and the thing is... it wasn't just a job to him, it was his entire life , outside of us of course. You see, Stefan is an artist... but... he doesn't paint pictures on canvas, he performs on stage. It is his undying passion, the thing that fulfills him most in life... and that pleasure was ripped from his heart and has been denied for too long.
He is a shadow of the man he once was. His pride, his passion, his joy, ... his heart; all were stripped from him when covid struck. We tried therapy but he quit. I am all he has left, but that isn't enough to keep him from disappearing under that awful cloak of darkness, so deep that most days I struggle to reach him at all. It's gut-wrenching.
My hands have been outstretched, and my heart open, for so long, and all I want is for him to reach back. But he doesn't. For some reason, he can't, and I am just so tired. I have nothing left to give. Each time I've tried to break through to him it's felt as though I were taking a claw tool to his mind, trying unceremoniously to access his thoughts and emotions. It felt wrong and it was never going to work like that. I need a break, and so I've sought help.
... But what does one say to the love of one's life after so many years? There is no easy way to do it. Pull the rug, rip off the bandaid. It's best when it's just done quickly, right? But it isn't. Whoever said that, was wrong!
My feelings for Stef haven't changed. But he has. And that is the elephant in the room that we have been dealing with for so many months.
It's not like it's gonna be forever... we both just need a little time, you know. Time to get our heads around where we are in our lives and what we both want for our future. You've been in a downward spiral for the best part of two years now and I just don't know how to help you anymore... I can't do this alone Stef... you need help. We need help.
Despite my protestations, Stef continues to stare blankly, motionless, except for the occasional stick change and gentle turn of the wheel. We are eating up the miles on the open road, both sat in near silence. When he eventually speaks, it is a jackhammer to my heart.
Alex, please don't give up on me... I... I need you. I don't know how to do this without you...
His words are few but they almost break me. Stef doesn't know how to live without me, but I no longer know how to live with him, and that is so very much a part of the problem.
I look up into his big olive-green eyes. He is staring intently at me. Silent. The tears are now streaming down his face, staining his skin as they run amok, unleashed. I manage a weak smile and his face lights up.
I don't know which one of us appreciates the danger first, but we seem to turn as one towards the source. The brakes squeal as my hands push back hard against the dash, bracing. As our vehicle swerves off the road, I avert my gaze from the oncoming headlights, already burning bright into the retinas of my eyes...
That... and Stefan's large protective hand across my chest are the last things I remember about that night.
My neural activity has been escalating recently, so many memories, previously scattered to the wind, replay inside my mind. All of my yesterdays tucked away deeply, brought with ever-quickening pace to the fore. Cognition is a beautiful thing, isn't it? These gamma oscillations are the things that I now hold on to, with every ounce of strength left in my body; for at least they remind me that I once lived. Will I again? Is Stef somewhere... out there... waiting for me?
The thing is... I don't know yet how it all plays out, because I'm stuck. I cannot free myself from this reverie. A seemingly permanent stasis. I have lost track of how long I've been lying here in this sterile cot on a sterile floor surrounded by four sterile walls unable to communicate or interact with the outside world.
I can't wake up.
I wonder momentarily if Stefan ever did...
The answers may lie somewhere in our future.
but...
I have no idea if tomorrow will ever come.
Where do I even start from?.. I'm so emotional right now. What a beautiful story. You captured my attention from the beginning to the end. Thanks for making me love you more.
aah you're a sweetie, thank you for those lovely words. I am happy that my story reached you in some way. !LUV !ALIVE
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(7/10)@davidbright! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
(4/5) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | connect | community | <><
HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
It sure did get to me and I hope we will be seeing more of this from you... Thanks for sharing this story with us
!LUV
(1/1) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | connect | community | <><
HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
Samantha, I must say your words really moved me 😭😭😭 So emotional, so well affluently written... And a story that I imagine many many people can relate too. At least I think everyone has gone trough some difficulties or challenges that this pandemic brought us, in our relationships, in everything lost.
You left me with no words to describe your talent! I already knew the beautiful soul you are but this is just a deep view of your beautiful mind as well
!LUV times a million! 😍😍😍
You are too kind @blackdaisyft and I appreciate you so much. You are going to make me cry❣️Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read my story. I am really touched that it connected with you in this way. !ALIVE
I do hope they are happy tears Samantha! 😁😁
And I look foward to read more of your stories as well! Yesterday on PYPT they asked about a possible book from you and if you finish it someday I would want to know! In the meantime, I'm delighted to read more of your beautifull content 😍
!LUV
hehe yes happy tears lol. oh my ...yes put on the spot re longer content lol... one day... I have something I started... I need to get back to it... when I feel I can do it justice. !LUV !ALIVE
No pressure dear! I just wanted to give you a little boost because I enjoyed it so much reading your story that I wonderer what a longer one would be like ^^ If it happens one day, at your own time, let me know I would love to read it! 😁
hehe...ok!
(6/10) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | connect | <><
Given the current emission rate of LUV pushing 500/day, increases to required LUV levels will likely be forthcoming.@samsmith1971
(1/1) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | connect | <><
Given the current emission rate of LUV pushing 500/day, increases to required LUV levels will likely be forthcoming.@blackdaisyft
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(10/10)@blackdaisyft! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
(1/1) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | connect | <><
Given the current emission rate of LUV pushing 500/day, increases to required LUV levels will likely be forthcoming.@blackdaisyft
PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
samsmith1971 tipped khaleesii (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped drceeyou (x2)
samsmith1971 tipped litguru (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped theinkwell (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped zeraton (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped katleya (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped esther-emmanuel (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped grocko (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped ecency (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped zyzymena (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped pibara (x1)
samsmith1971 tipped deraaa (x1)
(9/10)
joseph23 tipped samsmith1971 (x1) @samsmith1971 tipped @ritaagbede (x1)
You can now send $PIZZA tips in Discord via tip.cc!
Heartbreaking, emotional breakdown followed by physical destruction. I was having a discussion the other day with my mom about how some things are just too hard to live with - did Stefan react with purpose and then still try to protect her in the end? However, you interject a wistful hope into the last lines, it leaves the reader with something to cling to. This story is so personal for me, right now, that you seem to be “looking” inside my head. I don’t know if I can attach my usual emojis 😢
itThank you for reading my short story @itsostylish. No, from my perspective Stefan did not act react with purpose in respect of putting them intentionally in danger (but readers are welcome to read any version of the story that choose too). He was simply so overcome with emotion, and heartache that he lost his focus completely. I know you have said you know know that Alex is a guy too ;-) I am so sorry that you are going through a tough time, honestly I am. Sending you so much !LUV and hugs right now. I'm on the other end of DM... anytime 💗... and you don't even have to talk about any of if you don't choose... we can just be and chill. Love you @itsostylish !ALIVE
❤️💕🤗
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(4/10)@itsostylish! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
(4/10) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | connect | <><
Given the current emission rate of LUV pushing 500/day, increases to required LUV levels will likely be forthcoming.@samsmith1971
A sad, sweet tale, @samsmith1971. Two people's lives have been torn asunder by the pandemic, by loss of family, and loss of livelihood. It is no wonder Stefan takes it so hard, spirals downward, and cannot find his way back out. The narrator's plight, by contrast, seems less hollow and sad, even though he seems to be in a long-term coma. It is as if he has found peace in this unmoving state.
Thank you for reading and commenting on the stories of other writers in The Ink Well!
Thank you @theinkwell. I truly enjoy posting in your community. You encourage and push me to try to do better each week💗 !PIZZA
Heart aching tale. Reminds me of Vanilla Sky with its sensuous dark surrealism.
thank you my friend @litguru. I hadn't thought of that similarity... interesting. I did love that film. Anything along those lines... Inception too ... mmm I sense a mini-movie marathon coming up this weekend hehe !ALIVE
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(5/10)@litguru! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
I also recommend the Spanish version of Vanilla Sky: Abre los Ojos (Open your eyes).
cool thanks, basically the same story but in Spanish? or are there differences?
Abre los Ojos is the original, and Vanilla Sky was the remake to suit Hollywood audiences. I think there are enough differences to check out the original, particularly if you haven't seen Vanilla Sky recently.
Fab thanks! !ALIVE !PIZZA !LUV 🙌😍
(7/10) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | connect | <><
Given the current emission rate of LUV pushing 500/day, increases to required LUV levels will likely be forthcoming.@samsmith1971
This story is brilliant and sad, @samsmith1971. Heart-wrenching actually. Covid has been so hard on so many people. You've given us a lens on a gay couple whose life cannot ever have been easy to begin with. And for Stef to lose the acceptance and loving support of his parents, then his career, is understandably devastating. The narrator's plight at the end of the story is so painful and poignant. The idea of waiting, wondering, and not knowing, seems agonizing. And yet there is almost a sense that he is in less emotional agony at that point, than when trapped in the support role in a dying relationship. As they say, "There's a lot to unpack here!"
This is a story of our times.
Thank you for your kind attention @jayna. Your analysis of and feedback on the stories posted in the Inkwell is always so insightful 🤗 It makes me happy that you appreciated what I wrote this week. I am pleased that I was able to get all the angst and emotion, heartache, and pain onto the page and that it worked to some extent. !ALIVE
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(6/10)@jayna! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
I love how stories create whole realities that we otherwise wouldn't experience. And it never ceases to amaze me that these are things we make up completely in our minds. The people don't really exist. They never have and never will. And yet, a talented writer brings them to life before our very eyes!
🙏I think it is easier to bring our characters to life when we fall in love with them first ourselves. If we connect emotionally with them and their plight, we have a much better chance of translating that on the page 💗 But yes, I find it incredible reading the works of others too and willingly allowing myself to get lost in the lives of the people they create... and with longer-form...actually missing the characters afterward too❣️ !ALIVE !LUV
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(8/10)@jayna! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
(4/10) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | connect | <><
Given the current emission rate of LUV pushing 500/day, increases to required LUV levels will likely be forthcoming.@samsmith1971
Your content has been voted as a part of Encouragement program. Keep up the good work!
Use Ecency daily to boost your growth on platform!
Support Ecency
Vote for new Proposal
Delegate HP and earn more
Thank you for your support @ecency. This is very much appreciated !PIZZA
Nice how you work around words
Thank you for visiting my post. I'm glad you enjoyed reading my story.
I love how you we able to play with words in this story. You gave us a sweet and sad. Mixing it all up requires good talent in writing. I enjoyed reading your story.
Keep smiling ☺
Thank you Esther❣️ I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and pleased that you enjoyed it !PIZZA
This Epic @samsmith1971. The covid has shattered many dreams and seems not to have a fill but then we have to adapt and follow means that can keep us safe.
It is not always easy to have the love of your life struggle through challenges, and all our effort seems not to be effective.
Am glad that Stef understood all the help, it was sad that at the point when he is ready to accept help, things took another turn. True love they say, never gives up.
!PIZZA !LUV
Life has indeed been very challenging for so many people these past few years. I wanted to try to unpack that onto the page with a brief glimpse into the lives of two people who had lost so very much. From my perspective as the author, I did not write it from the perspective of Stef definitely having any known realisation whilst in the vehicle... I left that part open ... so his face lighting up could be construed as some form of eventual breakthrough or simply that it was lit up by the headlights from the oncoming vehicle. It is the readers' choice how they choose to interpret it, but the story works either way 🤗 !ALIVE
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(7/10)@joseph23! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
@joseph23, sorry! You need more $LUV to use this command.
The minimum requirement is 10.0 LUV in your liquid wallet.
More LUV is available from Hive-Engine or Tribaldex
This was presented in such a nice way, my guy. Congrats. I'm a sucker for sad stories like this one. The more pain you could inflict on me the better. Suffice to say, I was a pretty big sucker by the end of it. 😅 Good stuff, congratulations again. 😁
So I inflicted pain? Should I be pleased with my efforts? !LOLZ thank you for visiting my post @grocko. This is much appreciated !PIZZA
lolztoken.com
It wasn’t mint to be.
Credit: reddit
$LOLZ
Use the !LOL or !LOLZ command to share a joke and an $LOLZ. (3/4)@grocko, I sent you an on behalf of @samsmith1971
You are an amazing writer Sam, this is such a good story, I don't think I have read anything like it before.
aw thank you @khaleesii, I appreciate your kind words. Glad you enjoyed it! !PIZZA
I really did so thank you instead.
I can't begin to count how relatable this story is. I'm heartbroken right now. Sniff
Look, it is amazing that I'm so short of words. The commenters below have done it all, saying what's on my mind. I wanted to just copy their comments but figured you'd appreciate an original.
I don't know how you did it but... Yeah. I cried. Oh God. I cried!
Beautiful story...🤧
Oh no, more tears...😢💗 Thank you for connecting with my story and allowing it to impact you at that level. I appreciate your support my friend !ALIVE !PIZZA
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(8/10)@deraaa! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
It's a bad habit I don't want to stop🤧... Connecting with fictional characters i mean...
I always like reading your stories. It's no hassle at all
@silentbot star 5
thank you @pibara, this is very much appreciated. !PIZZA
My God this beautiful! But bittersweet to say the least.
I feel so much emotion, so much passion and longing from the narrator that i almost choked. No kidding!
Honestly, Covid has been terrible for many people and this rather melancholic story gives us an insight to just how a relationship can get disrupted by the pandemic. Oh Stefan...
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am grateful that my writing touched you so❣️ 🙏 !PIZZA !ALIVE
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(3/10)@zeraton! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
I am not sure if you know this, but Stefan's ex is Derek.
😂 what are you like Bluefy???🤣 I am really not sure if the word is outrageous or hilarious!!! But you do make me ROTFL
I do not know for sure but in my head, I hear Dreemie's voice, saying, "DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM!"
haha I hear it very loud and clear too 😂
Good job.
Happy day to youA story that touches the soul @samsmith1971 . Sadly, many of us lost family members who died of covid. In Stefan's case it will take longer to recover. Where can he act if we are all confined? His passion that once drove him to the top now seems to be driving him into an abyss he doesn't know how to deal with. The most unfortunate thing is his state of mind, that is important. Even if people are unemployed they should look for an emotional solution. She has to be prepared to surf the wave of life and be able to reach the top. It is true, it is difficult, but it can be achieved with perseverance and love. That love that we have next to us and that sometimes we do not value until catastrophic events happen. Then we value people more and forget about their defects.
#hivecomments
Absolutely @katleya. It is very sad that so many people do not realise what they have until they lose it, and so many people have lost so much recently. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and to leave such a moving comment. I greatly appreciate it❣️🙏 I shall come and visit your blog once I am finished with my current post. !PIZZA !ALIVE
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(2/10)@katleya! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
The pandemic affected so many families, that they find it difficult to feed themselves. Letting him to let go of his attitude or thinking is so good of you, although its wasn't easy but u never give up👍.
@dreemsteem
Thank you for taking the time to read my story Rita. Much appreciated. !PIZZA
This is quite sad. A beautiful love story ending in tragedy. Although I kinda got lost from the accident. Where were they going to? Seemed like it was a plan to get both themselves killed it something or probably to put to an end Stef's misery.
Unfortunately, life ended for both of them in different ways.
They were driving presumably after an emotional discussion on separation... you know when you just have to drive or go somewhere...anywhere...as long as you are moving....and then Stefan broke down emotionally and stopped watching the road attentively and they crashed ... it wasn't written with the intention of it being a suicide mission or anything like that, just a tragic accident. Thank you for reading and being supportive Zyzy. I appreciate you ❣️ !PIZZA !ALIVE
Also, I loved the ending, hahahahaha, breaking human emotion of closure, as we do not know how this story ends unless your write it hahahahahaha!!!
This post was obtained through Dreemport.Another most excellent storyline @samsmith1971, very well written and articulated.
Thank you James, I appreciate you taking the time to read it 😍 In the end ... we are left to imagine for ourselves whether Alex ever regained consciousness, whether Stef survived the accident, whether he sought help, whether there is still possibility of reconciliation. If tomorrow never comes, then all of those questions remain rhetoric by definition !ALIVE !PIZZA
ah thank you for those very kind words. It took a while to this point indeed... and a few fortuitous sources of inspiration aligning with the stars. I am happy you enjoyed it. !ALIVE
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(9/10)@drceeyou! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
tomorrow I initially had an idea when I first saw the word but I knew I couldn't write the post without it being muted by the Admins, so I had to rethink...then I drew inspiration from another post on looking after our tomorrow, today, and making the right choices now . I also drew inspiration from a SKY news article that I saw on an epileptic who was hooked up to an ECG at the time that he died and whose brainwaves were recorded on either side of 'death', and finally the Ronan Keating Song, If Tomorrow Never Comes... I took inspiration from all of these sources to come up with a short story. Hope that answers your question !LOLZ ... !PIZZA !ALIVE Thank you for taking the time to ask a really interesting question ❣️ What drives inspiration for you in your writing?hey @dreeeyou, there were a few sources of inspiration here... started with the Inkwell prompt obviously which I looked up in the dictionary as I always like to look up every prompt to see if there is a more obscure meaning or something in the definition that strikes a chord or a spark... then I let the word rumble around in my head for a day or two, depending on how long it takes for inspiration to strike...because the word is at the foreground of my thoughts, I am able to find connections to other things more easily...so with
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(4/10)@drceeyou! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
lolztoken.com
They're both Paris sites.
Credit: dyson-the-booper
$LOLZ
Use the !LOL or !LOLZ command to share a joke and an $LOLZ. (4/4)@drceeyou, I sent you an on behalf of @samsmith1971
Thank you @drceeyou. I think inspiration always comes from some form of connection that your brain makes either to your own personal life or what life presents in the world around you. !PIZZA !ALIVE I shall look come and visit your blog after I have finished with the post I am on.
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(1/10)@drceeyou! to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.