I loved this! You write with a lot of humour, and you made me giggle a few times. How sad that your first flight put you off getting up in the air again. If you ever get the opportunity to travel abroad and have to take a plane to do so, I'd implore you to do so. You may just be rewarded with a very pleasant experience, both in the air and on the other side.
Many thanks, @samsmith1971 for your encouraging words. When the opportunity comes, I certainly won't decline traveling by air.