There was one of them who I was fond of because a lot of people was fond of her, especially the males. I wanted the attraction too, so I got close, learned her ways, and started to execute them one after the other starting with uncouthness. That was a trait I thought people admired in her.
She would abuse a senior and get away with it, and I wanted those same guts. I wanted the many gifts she got from admirers. I wanted to be a 'fly’ girl too.
Life was fun in junior high school being an almost-hit girl with the flyest girl in school. I mean, she literally was my best friend. In no time, I started getting noticed, but that came with a price. I was a pushover. I became her call girl that wouldn’t dare to look at her or try to change her commands. It was always her needs over mine.
Pleasing her became my top ten ways to survive daily. The seniors in school started to gradually avoid me because they were scared I was going to be rude to them. I became the second top girl, but the one that couldn’t ask for help with my assignments from the seniors because I was never the type of person they would help.
Our circle grew by one when Jumoke joined us. She was an already top girl because hers and the head of our crew’s background were close. They were from a rich home, and there was me from a very humble background. Both were also from Lagos when I came all the way from a village where sometimes we survived on water from the stream.
Both had all the latest tips from boys, fellow girls, teens and very in-depth knowledge of many things that I’ve never heard of, and that was where the problem started.
I had started losing myself to pleasing them and making sure I was never left behind. I laughed foolishly at their dry jokes and tried to butt into their conversations as a reminder that I was present. I was being left behind already.
While thinking of what to do, our circle grew by one more person, Yetunde. She was from an average background. Petite, gentle, and a beautiful young girl who seemed like she had it all because of the way she carried herself.
It was important for her to join our clique because we were classmates, and the set of girls in our class who were boarding students. She was one confident girl that I suddenly developed a liking for. It was a relief when she joined our clique because now, there was someone I could dicuss anything with outside boys, Lagos life, and toys.
Conversations with her made me realize that I had been forcing myself to fit into a circle I wasn’t built for. My level of intelligence seemed to have reduced because of the type of conversations I’ve been having with the clique, but with Yetunde, it was very different.
We would talk about our English Language and French classes, and practice what we were taught. Gradually, the confidence I never knew flew out from nowhere when I engaged Yetunde in conversations. Jumoke and the clique leader didn’t give a damn about us though because we were never in the same league to start with.
One day, when I was starting to get popular among the teachers because of my activeness in class and outstanding assignments, they strategized a way to bring me down. It was either them, or no one. They spread rumors that was supposed to tarnish my image with the new people that were starting to like me for who I was and were trying to become my friends.
There was one thing they said that I couldn’t withstand, so I decided to confront them, but I didn’t have the balls. Yetunde gave me all the confidence I needed. She groomed me properly to make sure I didn’t stutter. The head of the clique was known to be really aggressive and could beat anyone, and I was a fragile girl, but I did it anyway.
I went to them, spoke my mind, and stood my ground. When she threatened to beat me up, I said to her, “that’s all you’re known for. A bully with no spine”. Then, I left. I walked back to Yetunde with my heart racing, but my head was high. And, that was the end of our friendship.
I felt so much relief afterwards, and my world was clearer. I adopted the non-social, gentle, brilliant and outstanding girl that I was. I didn’t have to live under the shadow of the flyest-girl when I could become one with my level of intelligence. It was a new Dawn for me.
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What an interesting story. It is really important to surround yourself with people who value your authenticity. Toxic relationships are important to know how to identify and break them.
You're right. Nothing beats authenticity.
There are terrible people that we try to follow the example of, to be great like them. Luckily, you were able to leave that toxic relationship and be able to live free and in your own way.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Excellent Monday.
Thank you very much for reading.