Thanks for sharing your story in The Ink Well, @ayin. It's a tragic tale, and definitely seems like a terrible crime was covered up.
This story is very short for one that has such a powerful story line. Readers like to learn a little more about the characters they are reading about. As it is, this story is all narrative, providing a summary of all of the things that happen, instead of telling the story with action and dialog.
The Ink Well has some great resources in our catalog of fiction writing tips. For example, we have tips on developing characters in your stories, and integrating action, dialog and narrative. These resources can help you learn how to include the important elements of fiction in your stories.
We hope this helps give you some tools to help you in your writing journey.