You do a good job of forming a narrative in this piece, @coolbabe88. We feel your frustration. We understand your father's position. In a way, he represents the classic parent, who doesn't understand the child's perspective. Nicely communicated.
We do have some suggestions, specific to the piece. For one thing, you should never begin a paragraph with a number--in this case, '2'. Spell out the word. Also, you use the slang expression 'cause' for because. That might work in a colloquial piece (one where you were using a casual, conversational tone), but not here. You should spell out 'because'. There were a couple of other sytle issues, but those two might help you in the future.
Thanks for sharing this piece with us. It was a piece to which many readers could relate.
You do a good job of forming a narrative in this piece, @coolbabe88. We feel your frustration. We understand your father's position. In a way, he represents the classic parent, who doesn't understand the child's perspective. Nicely communicated.
We do have some suggestions, specific to the piece. For one thing, you should never begin a paragraph with a number--in this case, '2'. Spell out the word. Also, you use the slang expression 'cause' for because. That might work in a colloquial piece (one where you were using a casual, conversational tone), but not here. You should spell out 'because'. There were a couple of other sytle issues, but those two might help you in the future.
Thanks for sharing this piece with us. It was a piece to which many readers could relate.
Thank you