Oh what a heartbreaking story! Loss of memory is incredibly difficult to bear in loved ones. The challenge of the tragedy stretches and strains through the lives of all who play the part of carers, including medical professionals, who have to balance patient needs with that of the family. This turn of phrase was excellent: "a smile that didn’t reach her eyes." It captured the emotion and sentiment perfectly. The first half of this piece struck a lovely balance between narrative, action, and dialogue. If the same balance had been maintained throughout, this would have been a knockout piece. It slid into straight narrative as your MC reminisced. It would have been lovely if you had shown more of that day at the beach through the use of recalled dialogue too. Watch out for your punctuation in longer sentences. One of your paragraphs was one long sentence. It's important to separate thoughts with periods. If I may, allow me to re-punctuate just half of it for you and make a few tweaks, as an example of how you could have written it to improve readability and flow...
'I looked up and all I could see were fireworks. In a split second I saw candles everywhere, just like the perfect scene of a romcom; the one that gives you butterflies in your stomach. When I turned around to gush about the magical moments to Harry, I saw homeboy on his knees with a ring in his hand.'
Thank you for writing in The Ink Well. You really do have a lovely style that is enjoyable to read.
Awwww thank you so much @theinkwell this has to be the nicest comment I have ever gotten from this community and to think that I woke up to see this🥰🥰
I'll try to incorporate everything you have stated subsequently.
Thankkkkkkk you!!!🥳🥳