You do a good job of getting your story across, @iquo. Your writing is clear and the piece is well organized. We make one suggestion about form. It is a good idea not to have so many paragraphs dedicated to straight narration. Try to break it up with dialogue and scene descriptions. In the second part of your piece you do this, and the piece comes to life as you describe Mary's aspect and your conversation with her.
We look forward to reading more from you.
This is greatly noted. Thanks a lot