This is certainly an interesting tale. We hope you will consider adding some dialogue between your characters, as well as some action. When we don't do these things, it almost feels robotic...
These are two important elements of quality fiction that can bring a story to life. You have done a very nice job with the narrative, but it would be even better if you told some of the story in action, and added dialogue so the characters speak to each other. Here are a few resources for you:
Thank you for sharing your story with us, and for your engagement with other members of the community.