This is an interesting tale of tradition and banding together through scary situations. It was a nice read, however we believe it would be even better with a bit of character development.
We often provide feedback to writers who are just getting started. The Ink Well has some great resources in our catalog of fiction writing tips. For example, we have tips on developing characters in your stories, and integrating action, dialog and narrative. These resources can help you learn how to include the important elements of fiction in your stories.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.