I should start by pointing out that we do not accept stories in the Ink Well that feature violence against women or girls. I know in this story the violence is not portrayed positively, but still we do not accept these stories because they trigger PTSD in some readers.
We would love to read more stories from you. It is evident you developed this theme with great care and you have worked on your characters carefully. I would suggest next time, also, that you try not to break up the story with translations. It would be easier for the reader to follow.
Your character, Loren, is likable, and readers are hoping in the end that she finds a future that is safe and positive.
When you write again, we hope you think of the Ink Well. I would be good for you to read the community Manifesto and Rules. Thank you!