This story oscillates between utopian occurrences and more harsh ones, leaving us with a large victory that is somehow overshadowed by loss. Your imagery here is beautiful, and you write very well. However, in your last two paragraphs we find a slew of easily fixable typos.
We recommend using google docs to draft your stories, which will highlight errors that need to be fixed. We hope this feedback helps. Thank you for sharing your story with us, don't forget to engage with other members of the community as well!