You had a great idea here and the outcome is consistently logical. You’ve done a wonderful job of creating atmosphere and tone with your pacing, which is an engaging technique. However, there are numerous errors in your work which detract from the reading experience. Also, you could’ve developed your idea more substantially by using more “show” than “tell”, which always improves a story.
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Oh, how sad! I thought it looked great. It must be the rush, I did it at night and maybe I should have checked it better. Thank you very much for the suggestions. Regards