Ah, another Fiona story. This reads like a script for a play, with each line of dialog prefaced with who says it. Generally in fiction, dialog is written like this, with dialog integrated with the action, with "dialog tags" to say who's speaking:
Fiona walked into the kitchen. A moment later she shouted, "Why didn’t you cook?"
"When have I ever cooked?" I shouted back.
She cooked a dinner of pounded yam and eghusi soup garnished with bitterleaf and a stampede of okporoko with a touch of beef. My weakness.
A few tips for you:
- Here's a great article on how to integrate several important storytelling elements: Action, Dialog and Narrative: The Dynamic Trio
- Here's another great article, describing the importance of conflict in a short story: Adding Conflict. (Technically, you have added some conflict, as Fiona is wearing his boxers without permission. It's very light-hearted and that's fine. That is your storytelling style. We just want to give you more to think about.)
- Be sure to provide credit and a link for all images. If this is your own image, please add that note. If it is not your image, please provide the source and link.
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ok thnks for the advice