With creative non-fiction, we are looking for true stories well-told. This means that they need to exhibit the attributes of good fiction. They need to have a good balance between action, narrative, and dialogue. They should have conflict and resolution, a good story and character arc, and be more show than tell. The grammar, punctuation, and spelling should also be checked for errors before publishing by using an online editor like Grammarly or Google docs to identify ways to improve your sentence construction. I think you would benefit from reading through The Ink Well resources in the following post Catalogue of fiction writing tips... they are available via URL links within the post.
Although you had the bones of an interesting creative non-fiction piece here, it was entirely narrative and a bit unwieldy. The language was too casual - as if you were chatting with a friend rather than delivering a short story. If you prefer to keep your friends names anonymous, rather use pseudonyms than refer to them as room mate 1, 2, 3, and 4 as that feels cumbersome and does not draw the reader in or allow them to relate to any of them.
If you want to see increased curation on your submissions to The Ink Well it would be worth investing some time to work your way through The Ink Well library of articles and then start practicing with the elements of fiction that are taught in these posts.