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RE: The Heir

in The Ink Well7 months ago

Hello @sabrinah,

Although you have a strong arc in this story, there isn't much about it that is believable. The father gives Jayden a two-week ultimatum. The father is on life support. He wants to see his grandchildren. There's no way, biologically, he could see his grandchildren in less than 9 months. By then, he will long be dead (he is on life support, after all).

Also, Cora's quick turnaround is kind of hard to accept. His explanation, that he proposed because he needed to marry someone, is hardly persuasive. You created an interesting scene: a dying father who wishes to see his grandchildren. However, in a rush to get to a conclusion you wove a tale of not very believable events. Nice try, though.

Thank you for sharing this with us, @sabrinah.