You achieve a great deal in a relatively short space. The scene is set early on:
His face was an impassive mask of a man who was content with his lot, one with no abominable desires that went against the wishes of the regime
This sentence is rich in information. He is masking his thoughts and feelings. Desire, any kind of desire, is considered an abomination. An oppressive regime enforces these conditions.
In the end there is a crescendo of desire, fireworks and troopers bursting into the room
A great story. Thank you for posting it in the Ink Well community. You mention that you plan to comment on stories of other writers. This helps our community thrive, and also makes you eligible to be chosen for a spotlight in our weekly highlights magazine. Thank you!
Commenting done now on a couple posts, but will still be doing some others as well.
Cheers team Inkwell!