This is a fun sci-fi story, and one that shares a hopeful vision, that ultimately good will prevail.
But we have some feedback for you that might help you with future stories of this kind. You've done a very nice job of introducing some interesting characters and a really intriguing plot line. What we are missing is action and dialogue. None of this happens in real time. It is summarized by the author, from beginning to end.
Truly engaging storytelling lets us see the characters in action. When we read passages like the following, we want to see it happening, not just to be told that it happened.
They carried out audacious break-ins, taking advantage of weaknesses in the metropolis's framework, and spread incriminating proof to the populace.
The facade of the head executive dropped as the final clues emerged, unveiling their genuine wickedness. Brought to light before all, the executive's power faded, and OmniCorp met popular indignation and lawful consequences.
Your challenge may be that you've chosen a truly epic plot — one that would actually require the space of a novel or a screenplay to explore all of the plot points you've summarized here. How, then, could you take up space in a short story, with a scene describing a woman standing before her council, a twitch pulsating in her right cheek muscle as she shouts, "How could we let this happen?" and then throwing an entire freshly poured cup of double-shot espresso in the face of her closest advisor?
You might find these resources helpful:
Good luck and keep writing!
Action, Dialogue and Narrative: The Dynamic Trio
Show, Don't Tell
How to Write Dialogue in Fiction
Thanks for the tips to make me a better writer 🙏
Sure I will...thanks