Hi @xcess12. We welcome you to Hive and to The Ink Well. However, we ask that you get to know our community and our rules before posting again. They are provided at the top of The Ink Well community. For example, we do not allow stories about violence. Your story does not have graphic violence, but it is primarily about death and killing. We don't curate stories of this nature. And stories with graphic violence are muted from our community.
We highly recommend our catalog of fiction writing tips. We have tips on developing characters in your stories, and integrating action, dialog and narrative. These resources can help you learn how to write quality fiction.
Good luck!