So in the end it didn't work out, I mean this was one of the very few difficult and sad decisions I had to make, and I wonder how the other party felt about the sudden change in plan yet again.
I felt the soreness in my throat, I didn't even realise when I had a drop of tears too.
I guess I sincerely wanted to meet this person, I don't know how much he meant to me until today when I told him about not being able to meet up anymore, ever.
I felt the heaviness, my voice was shaky a bit too and I was really trying my best to control the tears even when they dropped.
It shouldn't have been such an issue if he just responded to the text I left him, but I guess it showed responsibility that he called out instead and this made it even more difficult and sad
Gosh! I felt so bad about it, especially knowing fully well that I dragged his stay in my State till the weekend.
I could have simply just told him from day one to travel back to his hometown that I wouldn't be chanced to meet up, but I felt I could maneuver everything and meet up with him so I pleaded twice and changed plans twice, only for me to still back out at the end because of a much greater reason best know to me.
I won't lie, it's painful, I was so pained that words can't explain, knowing how the other party too was very eager to finally see and meet me. If I am this pained about how the whole thing turned out, how much more him? I really felt so bad and sorry that I couldn't bring myself to explain in detail what the problem really was. I know he would feel bad knowing the kind of person he is, only that he kept calm and said it was okay, although I know it's not.
But I really do hope he forgives me for doing this, it's not my fault either but I guess I've finally felt what it is like to want to do something so eagerly but the situations surrounding you doesn't allow or permit you.
This situation has taught me yet again how people discipline themselves regardless of everything they really might wanna do and how difficult and painful it is, yet a necessity if peace is to reign.
And I hate to be a liar, I felt I could have gone ahead to do what I felt like doing or as I liked, but at the end of it, I could become a liar and step on the trust people had on me, so I just simply can't risk that, so as painful as it is, it was a necessity that I couldn't overlook lest I regret in the nearest future.
So long, I would say, if the Lord wills, somehow, some day we really would still get to meet.
But for this time, my sorry heart felt this one I must say but I believe it's for the greater good so we will be just fine.
Selah!
PS: Photos are mine except stated otherwise
𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫
𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐖𝐚𝐤𝐲! 𝐀 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢-𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐳𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫.
𝐀 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐬.
𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 "𝐀𝐛𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞".
𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐝𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐚𝐲
𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐄
𝐈'𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠.
𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞?
1 February ~ Saturday