"Waky you know if someone doesn't love you or care about you, they wouldn't even bother themselves right?"
These were the words that came to me that evening as I was sat down by one of my colleague who appeared to be like a mother figure among the rest of my work colleagues. And knowing myself fully well, I can be like that sometimes, I could just wake up one day and decide that I don't wanna talk or converse with anyone as such carrying a long face and putting up a little bit of attitude, which I know is very bad and unaccepted. Funny how I don't even know how my attitude or behaviour affect other people mentally and emotionally at times. But in this very case, I had no idea I was spacing out on my boss as well and not just the other person. I ignorantly put up an attitude that affected not just the person but also got my boss worried as to what suddenly happened or changed that I was beginning to change as well. I just feel I've been stressed lately beyond words and this could be affecting me in a way and I hoped not to let it affect my relationship with people, my friends especially. PS: Photo is mine, except stated otherwise
𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐖𝐚𝐤𝐲! 𝐀 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢-𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐳𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫.
If it was not for the love and concern she had, the tense and not_so_friendly atmosphere she witnessed between I and the other person involved that made her do what she did then I don't know what else.
Her words meant so much to me and for the mere fact that she was concerned about our welfare and for being so observant that things were not really going on well between the two of us.
I mean even the blind could see the stiffness, the quietness between us.
So I guess having had some thought about it she decided to call us to it.
She asked about the situation which we both explained to the best of our abilities and it turned out we both got confused as to what had caused the sudden attitude and distance.
Sometimes when I can't do a particular thing or I am just tired, hungry and exhausted, it leads to the same attitude but knowing how to manage that emotions and not let it affect others or the people around me is always where the challenge comes in and I am trying my very best to tackle this issue trust me but I just can't help it sometimes.
A quick one, I was called to order too that same evening by my boss, asking why I am suddenly distancing myself, not to everyone but herself and the other person involved.
She asked if they both did anything wrong to me that could cause the sudden attitude, sincerely saying she would apologise if she said anything hurtful to me knowing it could have been in a place of love and correction or could have even been a joke that I didn't take lightly.
But truth be told, she said absolutely nothing hurtful to me, it's just who I am sometimes.
Most of the times I just space out on people, some for reasons best known to me and other times just because I feel it's the right thing to do at some point in time.
I didn't see my fault cause I really wasn't doing this intentionally especially with my boss.
If not for anything, the fact that they are my two favourite persons at work so why would I put up an attitude without a cause?
And to end this long epistle of my thinking out loud, I do appreciate it when I do something or someone notices something about me or a sudden change and then calls me to order.
It makes me feel seen, known and heard even when I am not speaking.
That someone sees my actions and knows that something is not right somewhere is worth appreciating because alot of people don't pay attention to details or don't care, and concern could only come from a place of love and so I appreciate them.
𝐀 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐬.
𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 "𝐀𝐛𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞".
𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐝𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐚𝐲
𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐄
𝐈'𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠.
𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞? 11 September 2024 ~ Thursday
From A Place Of Love...
𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫