Ohhh, sad, ohh, how beautifully you capture the sense of shock and loss, the "carry on" with that weight of grief all the days of our lives. Oh, the thwarted surprise! This is one reason life has taught me to not welcome surprises. (The ol' "If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake" thing.)
“Shock” really doesn’t do it justice. My entire being was shook, scrambled, disconnected. She wasn’t just my mom, she was my best friend. We talked daily, about everything and nothing. She was the first person I’d message about anything… To vent, express my frustrations, get advice, photos of the kids doing something, a silly story, to ask “what was that ingredient”, or “what was that song you used to sing”? And now I have to learn to live without that cornerstone. All the plans I’d made for the future, gone in an instant. I’ve never cried so much or so hard; I didn’t know it was possible to feel that sad. That slap in the face every time you are brought back to reality, and remember that they are gone. Again and again. Each time, another little piece of your soul gets chewed up. Each time, your heart gets another weight stacked on top.
Sudden Death - no warning, no farewell.
While hearing "there are worse ways to go" is no consolation, I have to say I would prefer the unexpected (presumably peaceful, painless) dying in one's sleep to the prolonged fight with cancer or leukemia/years of dialysis, or dementia...
Your mom's sunset-over-the-water painting is beautiful!
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing the shock and awe and life lessons and the journey.
And now the song: