I COULDN’T

The tides reminded me of how Adele drowned her own self.
Adele, my best friend from high school; she was the sweetest soul, who had to hide in her shell because of society and some “silly teenage urge”
It’s rather shameful to be seen with a pregnant teenager around here, how much more being the pregnant teenager.
Life was tough for her, even with Uzo, her brother, her parents and myself around her.

I remembered asking her how exactly she felt about her “condition” and if she really wanted to keep the baby. It always ended in an awkward silence. No, she wasn’t the most expressive, but it had gotten worse.

One cloudy evening, exactly a month to her due date, she’d locked herself in.
Her mum kept screaming are you trying to kill your child?
She yelled back “what about me?” and for a minute, we all froze at the door. She sobbed hysterically, saying she wanted none of these.
Nothing will remain the same
My body has changed without my control
My life has changed
My life is over

Two days past this particular episode, I found some humanitarian aide who was going to help get Adele’s mind right. That was one hell of a stunt.
2 weeks later, she was more responsive and lively. This lasted till after the delivery.

I was away for a while and immediately reached out to my BFF when I got back in town. She suggested we hung out at the beach, which was a bit odd because Adele dreaded crabs and clams, for whatever reasons. This was 3 months after childbirth. Things change, right? She was comfortable with leaving her baby boy with her mum now.
“Aunty, your friend is floating” said some kid, knocking at the dressing room door down the beach lounge. I immediately pulled up my pants and ran out to people gathered, trying to resuscitate Adele, My Adele!
On the sand, she inscribed
I COULDN’T

I had too many questions...
Why?
What happened?
You couldn’t what?
What about me?
What about your family?
WHAT ABOUT DAMI, your newborn?