To lose someone who has been a major part of your life abruptly at 10 years old will definitely leave a scar. I could definitely relate to not being able to cry all at once. From the time I have learned about the death of my father and throughout his funeral, I couldn't bring myself to cry. It took several months before I managed to cry for the first time and the grieving took years.
Yes definitely. It's the fond memories and the fact that we can never relive that, keeps haunting for a long time. I hope you're doing well now. Have a great day, take care. :)