It was almost precisely 18 years ago that I arrived in Finland for what was planned to be a year-long working holiday. I was 24 at the time and little did I know that the year would be extended by one, and then another sixteen on top as life happened and lives were built.
It was a bit of a sad day today.
My niece, the reason I ended up in Finland in the first place, dropped around to say goodbye to us, as like me 18 years ago, she is moving country too. I am really happy for her to be getting out as life hasn't been easy the last year and a half for her, but I can't help but note the parallels to my own experience, down to the time of year and her age. When I arrived in Finland, she was the same age as my daughter is now.
It is interesting to note the similarities though and as I was walking her out, she was putting on her very large shoes that I noted and she said, "I have to wear them, they are heavy and I only have 23 kilos of baggage allowance. I laughed and mentioned how I travelled in discomfort and very warm, wearing many layers to save space and weight in the 20 kilos I had available. She is going to do the same.
Another interesting thing to note, is that she will be the fourth generation of my family on my dad's side to become an immigrant, as her great grandfather moved from India to Malaysia, my father Malaysia to Australia and a couple sons of his to Finland - now her. I suspect that my own daughter isn't destined to stay in the country of her birth either - after all, she already has dual-citizenship.
It isn't easy leaving family and friends to start a new life abroad, and it isn't easy arriving in a new country, as immigrants aren't always welcome. I think she will have an easier time of it than I did though, and I had an easier time of it than my father, who entered Australia in the mid-sixties during "White-only" policy.
But still, it can be a challenge for anyone and it is probably never comfortable. No friends, no network, no clear career prospects and not even a place to stay - it can get frustrating, oppressive and lonely. With time and perseverance however, it is possible to start to learn, grow and build a life from near scratch and because of the struggle to get there, perhaps more gratitude is felt along the journey, as well as value in personal accomplishment.
In my first rental in Finland, I remember sitting on the edge of my loaned bed, looking at a nasty looking and dirty wallpaper, wondering how I got here. I was struggling financially after having to take my first ever credit card to make ends meet, my job was very poorly paid but required a lot of work and I was alone most of the time.
But, that was the start of my new life.
I have "changed" a lot in Finland, without changing who I am at all. Instead, being away from all I knew earlier, gave me the space to become more of myself, use more of my potential, not rely on the comforts of home, as I didn't even speak the language. It was a discovery of who I am without the labels of who I was to get in my way.
Travelling light, my foundation is now pretty heavy. Looking at the near complete state of our house brings back memories of how far I have come since staring at the dirty wall from the edge of that loaned bed. Those were good times too, full of uncertainty and surprise, as well as the excitement of random events and people falling in and out of my experience.
Yet, while the house is not yet finished, I have built a home and it will never be complete, it will keep evolving with me as I change and my family changes over time. I don't know what the future holds for us, no one does.
My niece is a reminder that at some point, my daughter will become an adult and will move away to take her own adventures through this world, leaving me behind. And I am already feeling proud of her, as well as sad at the thought of not being able to see her daily, to be able to give her a bear hug and a bunny kiss before bed.
But, this is how life improves, by us pushing ourselves to discover our potential by putting ourselves in uncomfortable experiences, and then working out how to improve them. Mistakes will always be made, with them comes opportunity to improve.
It is human nature to search for better, even if we don't always find it.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Uncomfortable zones are always the fuel for moving ahead and, in my opinion, the best opportunity to take out the best of ourselves in case we are able to assume the risks and chances we are given in a constructive/positive manner.
I had also to move on from my comfort zone when I was 8. Not that I made it voluntarily but because of my father's job. It wasn't easy as the change was really big, however it was a "family" movement that prevented us from being alone. That can make it easier without doubts but won't solve all the issues that come up.
I later had to move alone due to my studies or job and that was a lonely journey everytime... but I was already used to get out from the comfort zone. It helped a lot the training received in my childhood.
I know perfectly how one feels in such situations so that's why I'm encouraged to comment and wish your niece the best on this adventure and would recommend her to have her heart clean as well as a strong mind, not to mention tons of patience and perseverance.
Cheers
Isn't it valuable to realize that what was so difficult in early years, helped so much in later years?
One of the problems I see in the world today, are grown adults who's childhood has left them immature.
Do you think that all the moves have helped you more than harmed?
Yes to both questions, I'm the product of my history which made me mature early. In terms of mainstream "success" I should say I did not succeed but I tried and still try to do my best not to get other's goals but mine's. If I can push nowadays like if I were a yougster is because the resilience I acqired during my growth that only gets bigger since I'm getting older.
All made errors (you talked about that too) but the fact you are able to learn from them helps you with the current volatile inconsistency; those moves in my past taught me how to deal with changing circumstances. This is something that our young people have to face but maybe they aren't well prepared due to the "soft" environment in which they have evolved (of course there are lot of exceptions, look at the 3rd world). I'm worried about their future but I'm also quite sure they will find their way to learn and push ahead.
It's not how strong you are but how able you are to adapt...
This is a very important thing to recognise.
Me too. But perhaps it will balance out. My main concern is that the amount of those in control is narrowing and the number of people willing to be controlled is increasing. Anything for on-demand convenience.
We all are free to be slaves.
The power of choice.
Down memory lane.
Migration is part of the human nature, If one place isn't favourable or doesn't meet your requirement, you could always move in search for greener pastures.
This experience may seem as if nature is repeating itself..
Beautiful right tho
Yeah. we are wanderers at heart, driven by our desires for more.
House is looking good :D Already a long way from the renovation pics and those weren't that long ago in the grand scheme.
I really love the book cases.
Some pretty big moves in your family, sounds a bit like mine in recent history.
You went over initially to help with your niece?
Yeah. the neighbours (friends) have a similar place and have been surprised at how fast we have been able to get to this point. I feels both slow and fast for us though.
Me too. I am glad I designed them that way :D
Not to help, but it was an "easy" move as there was family here and I hadn't seen her since she was 2. They moved in 2000.
Ahh I getcha. Unless you're really adventurous it does seem like a better option to move where you already know people XD I know when I was looking at uni options, both Perth and Melbourne were contenders because I had family there (poor other unis in other states didn't get a look in because I'm too much of a coward/don't deal well with people at the best of times to go where I don't know anyone XD)
The book cases were a great design decision!
I know that slow and fast feel. I'm doing some things really slowly right now (because I don't want to do them) and other things are done relatively quick but never feels fast enough x_x
To be honest, at first glance, I couldn't find how the images relate to the story you were telling. But as I go through and read more of what you written, I somehow managed to understand quite a bit of why you chose these as visualizers.
The warmth and memories of a family inside a home is really nostalgic.
I generally try to connect the images to the piece, even loosely. I only use m own pictures, so it is hard sometimes, but I hope that what I choose supports the mood.
Yes it totally did. I wonder if could think like that someday. Choosing the right pictures for your blog could sometimes be a burden if you don't feel like it suits your content. Although sometimes, we make justice in using them by changing the flow of words.
And her child, in turn, will move away from her family-of-origin. I wish her the abilities to recognize all the good things the world has to offer her.
Beautiful essay. Lovely house!!! My goodness! When I first met you, you were taking sledge hammers to the walls.
The circle of life's journey.
Seems so long ago - but my body still feels the pain :D
Being Immigrants is the mix feeling where you sad for leaving your family but happy to explore new country. From past few yrs we had to take this bitter decision to make the next generation little better life by settling in other country.I was too studied in singapore by leaving my country for next 8 yrs and got sometime homesick but everything happen for betterment of our life .
Emigrating is definitely a bitter-sweet experience, but it can be very rewarding. How was it to live in Singapore? I have never been.
Singapore is the beautiful cosmopolitan .people from various countries live together with great harmony.
wow, interesting story. i am first from my family to move to another country 12 years ago. i know the feeling. !PIZZA
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this is life. cycles after cycles. !PIZZA !LUV !BEER
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How have you found the experience?
eh, got some ups and downs, first year was the hardest. then i settle up with the job, get into a relationship 7 years later, and my wedding is next month. my only brother is also here now, living in the same town as me. so it is a bit better. i still miss my childhood home sometimes.
Being a parent makes you look at things very differently. But we all have to grow up and find out path. Despite it having challenges it's also a blessings you could seek your independence with worry about those you leaving behind.
Can't agree more. We live and learn but always try to better ourselves.
I'd be happy if my daughter travels the world - I'd be happier if I have the money to meetup with her often :)
As a kid and now a grownup who is always riddled with guilt and concern for parents. This makes my heart happy. I wish with all my heart it can be so for everyone, especially both our daughters! !LUV
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Such lovely pics of the house. I don't know if the house is more beautiful or your skills to take pics. Maybe both.
Lol, just made me think about the time when I joined my first job. I was all hyped up, moving to a different part of the country, everything was looking great.
But the day I reached that place, I was there sitting and wondering, how did I end up here. Maybe I made a big mistake😨
Life has a way of teaching you that it's not always fairy land out there😅
Then, after a few years, you understand that everyone has to go through a hard phase, in one way or other.
Those who avoid it in the early stage of their life, don't have enough energy and time left to become strong later.
Looking back at the time, I was pondering over such small things😅
I think learning this lesson young is a good way to enter into work life.
I agree. I think that it is part of the reason that so many people go on stress leave and get depressed.
Home looks great!
I enjoyed the read too as it makes me think about my daugher and my own travels to new lands in the hope to grow some roots. Still searching, but feel that something might just be around the corner.
It is coming together and considering the last months, has moved pretty fast. Perhaps faster, since we are paying for it :D
Travel is always hard with family considerations. But, making the right decisions for ourselves can be far better than the alternatives of making the wrong decisions for someone else.
That looks like the place where if you spill something, you get beaten, then wake up chained to the floor in the basement while Baby by Justin Bieber plays on repeat 24/7, loud enough to drown out the screams.
lol🤣
Always be wary of investing in something that sounds too good to be true and houses that look too clean and perfect to live.
You won't get second chances😅
If they say, "It's just the furnace knocking." Run.
The rules are stenciled on the front door.
Rules are meant to be broken. So maybe use a chisel.
Cold Chisel.
Eat and drink before you enter, or at your own risk!
Certain circumstances prevented me from venturing out on my own early enough, but I've always had an independent mind so when I did, I think I was able to adjust fair enough. More parents need to learn that shielding their kids from the true nature of life with all its discomforts is counter productive
It is counter-productive, but also natural instinct. It is a challenge to put your own child in "harm's way" (normally isn't very harmful at a young age) so they will learn.
The interior is looking great.
Some people are just meant to wander, while I did not have the choice of where I grew up or was born, I am part of a family that has had the wanderlust gene. Born in a place that was another country, and then living in so many different places in America and knowing this current location is not nor will be my last. Your niece is in for a lifetime of learning what it means to be her. (gotta go breakfast, will finish later).
This is what I wonder - it does seem to be very much genetic. I know a few families similar to my own, where they are continuously on the move. We don't have to follow the food anymore, we can choose to follow the heart.
It also does not hit every person in the family, I am the only one in mine to live in so many diverse areas, the rest are all still with in 50 miles of where we grew up.
I count your niece among the lucky to have inherited it. It is nice having family that stays in one place or area, always a fall back option for stability, but the urge the need to see different and far away things is strong in the entire family, some just see it through our conversations and letters back home, but the whole family travels with and has a place to visit when one of us hit the road.
I stopped in the middle of my routine and sat here on this bench like I can't stand people who do that in the gym.
Same thing. I really missed my friends when we left but everyone's just a few keys away. We were just getting comfortable when they made us start over. Now we're in this limbo stage and I'm excited to be just a few keys away again.
:D
Nowadays this is easier. When I left Australia, I knew I wouldn't see my mother again (cancer), but also that I would barely talk to her. I spoke twice to her on the phone in six months before she passed. It was much the same with my dad.
But, under normal modern-day standards with family and friends, we are really lucky to have the possibilities to stay in contact now.
Is she the one that's going to the amazing country that welcomes all?
Yes. And since she is far prettier than her uncle, she should have a much easier time of it.
Hurrah. She is at least going to a good place! She will love it ... Hopefully!
She is pretty excited :)
So beautiful ......😍😍 amazing blog...
Life must continue
Truly, change is never easy and it comes at a price.
I had a similar experience when i had to move from my land of birth to an entirely different place. One in which i knew no one although the accepted language there was english, so i did not have any issue there.
As your niece moves on to chart the course of her life, i hope she is able to achieve her dreams. It will not be easy, but it will not be impossible either. Journey mercies to her.
And for your daughter leaving home soon, i guess that is something every parent has to come to grips with eventually. After all, if your child can be properly independent then it means you did them well as a parent.
This is a beautiful post dear friend. Thank you for sharing.