Viski the dog is getting on in years, and will turn 14 next month. His teeth are bad, his eyesight failing and he can no longer hear much of what is going on around him. He spends most of his time sleeping and limping around the house. However, when he is outside on a walk, he is like a puppy, running sniffing and looking like he has shed enough years to be near his prime. At these times, it is hard to imagine that at some point in the not too distant future, he will end his journey with us.
One thing I am content with is, I believe that he has had a good life under our care.
Currently, my father is approaching this end also, but he is rarely lucid enough that he might not actually know it. He doesn't even realize that none of his family have visited him in many weeks, he doesn't seem to know he has a family at all. Or perhaps, time just moves differently in his mind.
I think he has had a hard life, but a good life and while it might not be to everyone's ideal, he has worked hard for very little material outcome - life and those he trusted leeches it away through a thousand cuts.
It doesn't really matter what we have at the end though and it may not even matter that we are alone when the end arrives. In some way, perhaps it would be a comfort to be alone, not have to see the pity in eyes or feel the impending sense of loss on both sides - just slip away quietly in the darkness.
I was okay when my mother died, but I feel a greater sense that my father's passing will be harder - yes, he is my dad, but I get the feel that the world is losing a good person, someone that made a difference in people's lives by living a life in service to others. He is the kind of person that defines the term role model, at least in some aspects of how and why he lived.
I can't say he was a good father figure, nor a bad. For me, it wasn't really like that between us - he was older by the time I was old enough and life in the family had changed a lot in a short period. We spent a lot of time talking, but more as counterparts than father and son.
There was no drama between us, no attempt to win approval on my side, no need for him to impress me either - we could just talk. There wasn't a lot of fathering going on by that stage of his life.
The only thing that did stand out as a father was that no matter what I tried, he encouraged me. And no matter how ill I got, he was always confident that I would get better, that things would improve.
I think that this is the only way for some people to negotiate life - since we are stuck having to live it, we may as well take the position that things will get better, no matter how bad they might currently be. I think this is the way he has lived his life to a great extent and even after all he had seen, he held firm to the belief that things will improve.
My hope is that he doesn't suffer any more than he must, that they can effectively manage the pain he is experience as his body fails and follows his mind. I am not sure if I will miss my dad when he is gone, but I am quite sure I will miss the idea of him being around, being a part of this world. When he does finally pass, I think the world would have lost someone who added value to it for over eight decades and asked for nothing in return.
Some would say he wasted his opportunity - he would say, he did all he could.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Our cav is getting to that stage as well. At home the only time he animates if is there is a hint that there might be food XD
The some who would say he wasted his opportunity don't have a clue what they're talking about because they're them and not other people.
Then he is very lively!
I don't like seeing wasted skills as I don't have much myself. However, to each their own.
Being able to fully utilise all skills will probably require curing aging/death as even the most gifted would have a hard time not "wasting" any given skills. And people value skills differently. Currently I'm wasting my massage therapy skills by refusing to open a clinic and focus full time on that and stupidly indulging in my worthless animation skills instead because I like telling stories so that's what I'm going to do :)
You could combine them both and be the storytelling masseuse =D
They don't combine well XD
Also I've done the running a business thing previously, really hated the actual running business part >_>
Death is a part of life, and though it's hard to accept, it comes to us all. My father's mind also went before his body while my mother was sharp and witty right to the last.
My truth is that we all die alone, even if we are surrounded by family. It's a thing only I can do.
It was much the same for mine, as my mother died from cancer almost 20 years back, so didn't have the time to degrade mentally.
Probably why so many fear death.
I wish both a peaceful passing when the time comes. My mother is taking our 21 year old cat to the vets today, it is her time.
Been there done that. My parents had a cat who was sick enough at 15 to be taken to the vet one last time.
We had a cat that got to its age and then, walked away - like a tribal elder.
Noble animal.
I have heard it is common with cats. I guess it is part of being more solitary and less needy?
Cats are loath to show weakness. They lick their wounds out of sight. It's an instinct to keep them safe, I guess.
Kind of the opposite of what the internet encourages :D
Definitely not looking forward to that time when it comes, but it is better to make the decision when there isn't too much pain.
In place of fallen leaves, new foliage will necessarily grow. We are alive as long as someone remembers us. As long as you remember them, they will live in your mind.
I wonder if with dementia, the idea of "you are dead to me" is as good as true. We each live in our own universe.
November Troy will be 15 so we are in the same boat my bro.
Sorry about your dad and can only hope that he is in gentle hands, which I think he is.
Take it easy!
My dad is well cared for thanks to @galenkp, but there is nothing glamorous about old age.
I haven't had a pet for a long time, Viski is my step-dog and was 6 when he came to me. It is going to be very hard on my wife.
Again we are in the same boat. Troy regards Marian as his mother and of course I am the leader of the pack. He was abused as a pup and fitted into my coffee mug when we got him from my elder sister, as she removed him from the family that abused him.
Been with us for so long that he is a part of the family and since the start of this year, he sleeps almost the whole day!
Been talking to Galen about your dad.
I can't remember having rescue dogs as a kid, but we did have rescue cats. One of them had kittens and my sister and I kept one each from the litter. Animals easily become part of the family and these days, there is definitely the "substitute" effect where people treat them and spend on them more like children.
Marian is in her early 40s and she has no children. My 4 (3 own and I step) are all married with their own kids and I keep myself in the background to enable them to lead their own lives. Never been the hugging and kissing type. But of course irresistible to women:)
I think Troy is the most spoiled animal in the world and she just might see him as her child Lol.
Strange thing is that I have always been a big dog man, but this cheeky little guy has become my shadow!
wow, is your dog 14 years old? Is your dog 14 years old? He is 70 years old. It seems that your dog has long been loved by your love.
Is your father living in your hometown? Is your father 80 years old? Since you also become a father, you will understand your father's life.
Yes it is an old dog. 98 in dog years?
He is kind of in my hometown, but not quite. Understanding a life requires far more than sharing the odd experience, I don't think it is possible to empathise well, no matter how much we might like to.
Wow!
Strikingly similar story to my own currently.
14-year old dog with failing everything but still runs around the yard with few signs of slowing down. Parent in long-term care with some dementia and a severe lack of visitors because of the healthcare lock-down.
It is a part of life and inevitable as taxes but it doesn't make it easier. All I can hope is that I have effected the universe more positively than negatively when I am done and caused some happiness like our beloved old dogs.
Thanks for sharing.
I hope you are coping well with it all.
The universal balance sheet is something I have turned over in my mind since a kid - and then there is the timeline issue, where a good now might be a negative later, a negative now a positive later. Maybe a bad example, but how many lives did the Naxis take, how many lives has Nazi medical knowledge (obtained in the foulest of ways) saved? Extreme example I know - but oven case, the most valuable lessons we learn come from the worst of us.
For the average person, be attentive and don't intentionally harm is perhaps the best we can do with what we know - and learning from our mistakes and adjusting as we know more.
My friend, it is possible you are overthinking it! ;)
I just try and make decisions that will improve the existence of others at least a little. Now I just have to work on my reactions...
Nothing wrong with overthinking, unless it leads to underactioning :)
Reactions are hard things for many of us to contend with, as they happen before we think - so we have to find ways to catch them before they do damage, or make the default reaction a healthy one.
Yes things will get better. A really touching story. I feel being old is scary.. the depression that comes with it, amnesia, loneliness. Anyways that dog has tried for itself. I hope he also gets better and live longer than you may think. My grandma died at 120 years. We were actually surprised that she stayed that long
Getting old is scary, my fear is losing my mind and having decisions taken away.
120 is very old. My second fear of getting old is my body lasting through my mind and being a burden on others. I'd rather die early I think.
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STOPI can tell by your words you really love this little guy. Those are such compassionate thoughts for your canine companion.