MY ADVICE TO SOMEONE SEEKING A SUITABLE MARRIAGE MATE

I have friends who have struggled for years to get a suitable marriage mate for themselves and to me it is a worthwhile endeavor because a man who gets a good wife has found a treasure and a woman who finds a good husband has found a home she can call a place of rest.

pixabay

The advice I'll give applies to both sexes because they all desire good marriage mates and I will base this on my little experience with others and from observing the things that they did right and the things that they did wrong which they can learn from. Let us look at a few of them.

KNOW YOURSELF AND THE THINGS YOU REALLY WANT:

Before going into marriage you need to first know what'you understand marriage to be and what you expect from it. You will need to ask yourself, what are my goals in life and how will marriage affect them? Am I getting into marriage so as to enjoy sex? What are the things that I will not tolerate from my mate? Am I prepared to assume the role of a husband or wife? Do I know what these roles are? Do I know how to manage money well and work to earn a living? Do I always argue with my parents and siblings, if yes what are their complaints and concerns about me? What have I done about these concerns? How do I handle criticisms? How do I manage my anger? Am I sure that I can' withstand the challenges of marriage? What qualities do I see in my potential marriage mate?
I will advise him to clearly understand these questions and give serious thoughts to them so that they will help him to get honest answers. You know yourself better than anyone else will do,you know your desires and passion.

pixabay

Then he should use this questions as a mirror to examine his or her readiness to get married.

LOOK BEYOND THE BEAUTY, BE SURE YOU ARE COMPATIBLE:

Many choose their marriage mate based on their body features or appearance. The truth is this: beauty or charm may be false, outward beauty fades but the inner beauty lasts for a long time.

"Beauty is not in the face, beauty is a light in the heart"

----Kalil Gibran.

Source

Agreed it is good to be attracted to the person that you seek to marry but most importantly I will advise the person to give attention to how compatible they are. Physical appearance may be deceptive and it can hide what a person really is. The most elegant face may cover a loveless heart. I will ask him or her to consider this honest fact in the holy book at Proverbs 11:22
"Like gold ring in the nose of a pig is a beautiful woman who lacks sensibleness". This equally applies to a man, physical beauty without sensibleness is like a beautiful ring on a pig, this means that beauty does not befit a senseless person.

He will need to be sure that they are both intellectually compatible and also be sure that they have shared values and goals. I will advise him to ensure that his communication styles and that of his potential marriage mate align and that they are on the same page as to their problem management abilities. This does not mean that they must agree on everything.

LEARN FROM THE CHEAPEST EXPERIENCE, OTHER PEOPLE'S MISTAKES:

I will ask him to observe the examples of hundreds of people he may know who have once been in his shoes before. I will ask him to look clearly at the error some of them made and learn from their mistakes, he or she should use both the good and bad experiences to build themselves in deciding who to settle down with. He should use this knowledge to enhance his understanding and insight into the things that can either make a marriage work or fail.

BE WHO YOU WANT YOUR SPOUSE TO BE:

To succeed in managing a person you must be able to manage and control your emotions and actions. If he demands respect and love from his potential spouse, he should be respectful,reasonable and loving too. It is like the two wings on a bird if one is made of feather and the other of wood, a bird can never fly. So he should be prepared to teach his spouse the things he or she may be lacking by their own good example.

However he should be careful not to fall into the trap of believing that he can change a person who has demonstrated over time that he or she is not teachable and ready to learn or change. He should be realistic in such a case and identify the undesirable traits that he cannot live with.He should have the nerve to call it quit if necessary before entering into a marriage with that person if things don't change.

EVALUATE CULTURAL AND FAMILY CONSIDERATIONS:

The cultural and family background of the person he or she intends to marry is a strong determinant in their choice of a mate. I will advise him to know more about the person's culture and family. Check to see how they view money and material possessions, how do they treat people from other tribes and race? What are their values? To what extent is your partner affected or influence by these?

Getting answers to this questions and understanding their dynamics will help him balance his expectations with the reality and know how happy or successful his marriage will be. Check to know how he or she treats members of his family, that is the same way you should expect to be treated. I will also advise him to be sure that the person's strong attachment to the family will not diminish or negatively affect his family's happiness.

MONEY AND MATERIALISM:

A lot of young couples have experienced fights and unhappiness because of money problems. Even if one of the spouse gets a fat paycheck it will not solve the problem if the couples have a childish view of money or the things money can buy.

pixabay

I will advise the person to check to see if the person he is interested in marrying believes that money solves all problems and that money is everything.If that is the case,then he should know that that person will do anything for money. It is a red flag.

As a potential husband I will let him know that he needs to be a good provider but whether it is a man or a woman that I am advising, I would ask him to check what the attitude of the other person is to work. In view of the rising cases of unemployment globally,is the person ready to take up jobs that are beneath his status so as to provide for the family? If the person is an extravagant spender, is he or she ready to make adjustment if the family's income cannot support this lifestyle?

CONCLUSION:

Marriage is a very important step in the life of a person and the choice we make will affect our outlook in life. I will give the person who comes to me for advice all the points mentioned above and much more.It may not be all at once but I will patiently work with him or her to guide them through the process and ensure that the person learns from my patience so as not to make a mistake in the choice he or she decides to make.

Posted Using InLeo Alpha