We must learn not to be quick in judging others because everyone has a problem they are facing, people are putting on a mask that shows fake smiles and does not reveal what they are going through in life... So we should learn to be kind to people without them asking for our help because not everyone knows how to seek help.
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Something happened recently in my school, I have two very close friends and we are in the same department... Let's call the first one Ray and the second one May... I was closer to May because he also visited me at home, even during our exams, May was there to teach me some of the questions I did not know so I really liked him for being so helpful, unfortunately, he dropped out of our school this semester cos he wanted to gain admission into 200 level in a university, when he visited us yesterday, I was so happy to see him that I took him and May to an eatery to buy food and drinks, that shows how happy I was to see him.
So back to the reason for this post, Ray also was a good friend, he has been very helpful, in fact, the three of us were helpful to one another... Something happened two weeks ago, one of our lecturers gave us an assignment, and Ray is the one that used to handle all of our computer-related projects and assignments because that was his line of work.
During one of our discussions online, I asked ray when he is going to do the project for us but he didn't reply to the message but replied to the other chat so I assume he missed the chat, After few days ago, I sent another message and this time it was just the project message and again he ignored it and we were given 2 weeks holiday cos the full time were doing their exam so no way to see each other to discuss the matter.
I was angry that he did not reply to the message, and I have this bad habit of cutting people off without asking the reasons for their actions, so in my mind, I canceled Ray but there is always a second chance for friends as long as they give a good reason for their action, I went to a cafe to do the project, so we resumed physical lecture on Monday and I sat at the main front, so I did not see Ray nor do I care if he was in class, the second day which happened to be Tuesday, Ray came to where I saw and somehow I was still happy to see him but I still need him to clear the air about the message he snubbed so I asked him and he said he has been busy which was not a good excuse because he was online and even attended the online lectures but I let it go...
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We were to submit the project today and that was when I figured out Ray did not do his own assignment, When I asked him again, he gave another excuse for not doing it but I think he is lying and it was the money involved that made him not do it... My first message to him that he snubbed was me asking him how we would run the project together which I was ready to pay for both of us not minding the cost, that is what I normally do before but I guess he feels the money was much this time and didn't want to be a disturbed to me and hence why he didn't know what or how to reply my messages....
He did not do the assignment and lose the mark, and the lecturer said those who didn't submit would carry over the course, I felt bad for not pestering and bugging him for the project, probably he would have let me know the problem he is facing, but my nature stops me from doing that, I don't like to disturb and pester others.
I felt bad for judging him without knowing his situation and even already planned to cut him off for that but glad things are fine and he will find a way to go meet the lecturer so he can sort his project too.
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It's not your fault, at least you tried to make him talk. He's an adult and should be able to talk if anything is bothering him.
I think you should reassure him that you're there for him and would do your possible best to assist him when you have.
Sometimes we feel like a burden to others, especially if it has to do with them providing or doing certain things for us. Getting that reassurance makes it more easier for them to come clean about their challenges.
Yh, it's not good to jump into conclusions, that's one good thing I've learnt as an adult. Always be ready to listen to what the other person has to say before judging. Life is not easy for everyone and we all have personal battles were facing everyday
exactly, he should be able to tell me the problem because we are all so free with each other, so i didn't get why he didn't.
I also don't like being a burden to others but that is why we have what is called friendship, they should be able to share some part of our burden...
yea, good thing is i did the judging in my mind and didn't act on it...
Exactly!
We judge too early, and that's our problem. This one taught you a lesson. I think I am quite good at this because I ask directly when I face such a problem. But in your case, I don't blame you either because thinking such a thing is normal.
i dont like confronting people when they misbehave as long as it doesn't affect me, I just avoid them
Ooh that’s sad
He could have just opened up that he didn’t have enough money. Now, he lost the mark
That’s really sad
yea i felt bad for him