I was chatting with someone yesterday, and the topic of "understanding spouse" came up. I was very skeptical of the discussion because I believe there is no such thing as an understanding spouse. I believe it is a title rather than a person's current state of character.
People change as circumstances change.
We are not supposed to be completely good or bad all the time.
I am not saying there are not people known for negative or positive values; rather, I am saying that people's dispositions change over time. We are more like vessels, constantly characterized throughout our lives. So, I believe the term "understanding spouse" can be used to describe a person when the proper parameters are in place.
In Nigeria, for example, we have the belief that a good woman is never influenced by money. This is a saying rather than a proven statement of experience.
I saw a movie yesterday where a girl was forced by her mother to marry a wealthy man. She lied about being pregnant, and the idea of pregnancy was pinned on the man who graciously accepted it.
The man may have slept with the lady, but this was primarily manipulated by the girl's mother. They put the guy in an uncomfortable situation, and the girl's seductive ways worked on him. He agreed to marry the girl even though she was not the lady he was initially courting. It was a noble act; I am not saying people should not resist sexual temptations, but sometimes we know what is right and wrong and still do the wrong thing.
I am not saying the girl was a bad person; she accepted her mother's plans to manipulate a wealthy man into marrying her, and she did not appear to be a bad wife, but I guess she did not reject her mother's plans because she could have a comfortable life with no stress with an "already-made" man
That is why I did not really blame her. I mean, it is difficult to turn down a life of comfort, especially if it comes with a gold platter. It is difficult to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel when you can continue on a path that already has light at the beginning.
She was a good wife after they married, and they lied to the man about her pregnancy loss. Eventually, their life improved, and I thought, "Oh, that was good". Until the man experienced financial difficulties. She was actually understanding; she got a job, and even though they had lost everything, she continued to support the man. However, it took a long time and the man was still unable to find work.
The lady was under intense pressure to keep paying the bills, and she did so until their living expenses became prohibitively expensive. She was coerced into sleeping with her boss to earn more money, and she reluctantly agreed. The money kept coming in, and the man still could not find work, and she became enraged, wild, and beastly.
She started bringing her boss home to sleep with him, and things went downhill from there.
I would not categorically label her a bad person.
She was an understanding spouse for a long time, and she paid the bills until she could not anymore. You could argue that she did not love the man at first, but the truth is that there are times when we think we love people, but it is just their ability to be functional; other times, it is their ability to look dashing, smell nice, have killer looks, and crushing smiles. These physical attributes are actually sustainable by money to some extent.
Love is not practical.
It is a statement of emotion that is mostly supported by a constant state of normalcy.
Some will argue that love conquers all, and she was not supposed to cheat, but they are mistaken. Even the most resilient people can be broken by the wrong kind of pressure. Many people believe they are not motivated by money, but in reality, their sense of preservation has not been tested. For love to be constant, certain conditions may be required. Even if it isn't, things can not stay this bad for too long.
People who love you may fall out of love with you, especially if things are bad for a long time.
So the concept of a good spouse, or an understanding one, is based on longevity; how long things are bad and how long they are good, the extent to which things go wrong, whether it is manageable or nearly unmanageable. It is not anyone's fault; it is simply how we are wired, though we can train ourselves to limit the extent to which we are wired, which is beneficial.
Interested in some more of my works
Is it Easy To Make Money?
Nigeria: A Unique Business Market & Industry
Virtual Bank Apps In Nigeria: An Experience Of Gamification
How To Find The Next "BIG" Meme Coin
Personal Finance: Achieving Intentional "Saving" Goals
Playing The Survival Game: Human Nature In Introspection
"Un-PAYING" The Debt You Owe
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
Until our sense of preservation has been tested and we still stand firm, then we can say that it's a true love. We can have understanding spouse but for how long just like the case of this lady you reviewed from a movie. I have a friend who married out of money..her mom pushed her anyway and she accepted but unfortunately, the marriage didn't even last.....it's very easy to back out when your initial motive of accepting a man is not out of unconditional love
Sense of preservation is a thing. There are people who can actually not endure a lot of things and sometimes even when they love you, they might eventually get tired if bad situations continue to linger. However as you've said, it's still as good to marry out of love, at least when rough times happen that person can persevere for the sake of love
Yes, Because we are humans, it can be tiring when a particular situation lingers but then, only unconditional love a person has for you can make her stick with you, till you see light again
There are a lot of factors to making sure a relationship lasts. Sometimes it's money or other factors. It sucks to hear that it isn't all about love but love itself won't let you survive or give you the best opportunities in life.
If there's no money, everything goes sour. I still refuse to agree that without money a relationship will work. Because it's all about practicality and functionality
Mike Tyson used to say, quite practically, that everyone is great at talking until is punched in the face. Just that sometimes is life, not Mike.
Indeed, everyone is great at talking. Practicality is a hard thing
True love is very rare this days, many people love because of what they can get materially and once that material gain is not there , they will leave.
Circumstances sometimes determine how good someone can really be but when there is challenges the person real self will show.
Yeah, different life circumstances actually reveal the different blend to people. It's that experience that constantly reveal a part of people they don't know.
Exactly
It's so true that our behavior and feelings can change based on our circumstances. What we value and how we act often shift with life's ups and downs. This makes relationships quite complex. Money has been an influence for as long as it existed... Great insights good friend
Thank for droping by.
You're most welcome brother, it was a pleasure
👏 Keep Up the good work on Hive ♦️ 👏
❤️ @nkemakonam89 suggested sagarkothari88 to upvote your post ❤️
@nkemakonam89 thank you
@josediccus, you are most welcome!
There is saying that money is everything. Love is a very expensive thing but has been compromised. People can now fake love cos of money and that's why some marriages don't last. Nice article, I have learned a lot from this alone and wish to have more from you.
Wow
That movie is crazyyyy. Honestly, it is very hard to see a woman who can cater to the responsibilities of a house without complaining. For exactly, my aunt and her husband are having serious issues right now and they are about to get a divirce. My aunt has been the one taking full responsibility of everything including feeding and house rent. The man has no dime in that house and it has been happening for years but she just voiced out.
Now, she’s about to leave him cos she is tired. Should we say that she didn’t love him enough but let’s not forget that she has been the one doing all since all these years
Congratulations @josediccus! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next payout target is 100000 HP.
The unit is Hive Power equivalent because post and comment rewards can be split into HP and HBD
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
Exactly the same thing happened to us. We also started a business but when the people who were there were too much trouble with us and cheated, then there was a lot of sadness and trouble to see the behavior of the people. Our two lakhs is with him and he does not give it back.