Is your life always filled with surprises?
Mine sort of does. It’s almost like the kind of RPG game where I have to explore a place and sometimes finding out about extra surprises and I have to be quick on my feet and think quickly. It’s not easy sometimes but I tend to manage.
Culturally, our memorial is always long. It’s seven days ordeal where I have to constantly repeat the 5 W and 1 H about my father’s passing. These days I constantly see 60-70 people from 7 AM to 11 PM. I kept getting asked the same question and repeat the same story on when he passed, how he passed, what happened, etc. At one point, I was like, “Why not print out the story so I don’t have to repeat myself?” It gets old after a while.
With long memorials, there are quite a few things to prepare. Typically, the visitors after praying for the deceased are given bread or some type of snacks. During the end of the 7 days, they will be given a meal along with bread/ snacks. It’s sort of customary and this is why memorial here can be quite overwhelming and costly.
For introverts, meeting quite a bit of people constantly can be quite draining. Some people come to our place expressing their loss, retelling the story about my father when he was still alive. Some decided to focus telling us about their family story. It’s weird that I find them focusing on their life when they visit a bereaved family. Some ask about what are our future plans.
Since now it’s only my mother and I, it’s a bit energy consuming to me personally. I am always responsible for ordering the snacks and meal. I am not the person who likes to complicate things, so I always order the simplest options I could have and where it’s accessible. I don’t really have the energy mostly to ask for pricing and deal with extra bullshit for now. So, I’ve mostly stick with what I know, the places I know that is decent.
I am sick of bread...
I can tell you as much that now I am really sick of bread. It’s been about 4 days since I always order bread in bulk and now, I get tired of seeing them. I don’t think I’ll see bread the same anymore and most likely, won’t be having them anytime sooner. The amount of bread I see and pack daily are enough to make me vomit.
The memorial in my neighbourhood barely leaves us a room to mourn. It’s constant activities that seems to distract us a bit from the passing of my father. Yet I know, the house would feel so emptier once these activities are gone. As much as our life has to move on, I can’t still grasp the fact that my father is gone forever.
As I mentioned that sometimes I get ask about “So, what are y’all going to do after this?” I don’t really know. I used to have plans, migrating somewhere and that seems to be on the horizon again. Besides my mom is pretty cool with moving somewhere and starting anew. In the past, I thought about a few countries where she would be better adjusted to with the food, surroundings and how it works. When I was visiting Bangkok, I was scouting the country to be a place to move in for good, the same with Kuala Lumpur where I think she’ll have a great time adjusting to. She’ll be ready to move wherever I go even if that’s around the northern hemisphere. Our options are pretty much endless because I can’t be stuck at that home for long. But one thing for sure, we still have a place we could always come back to.
Some simple joy recently...
The funny thing that brought us simple joy lately is our cats. They are always acting like a greeter in front of our house and whenever there’s a guest, they’ll come inside and notify us. When my father passed, they were also around and got extremely curious about how things work. They walk around followed every process and stayed calmly. There were divided opinions on them since some of them are really scared of cats and some of them love it.
When a visitor brings little children, the cats stayed calmly and let the children touch them. It’s quite unusual since mostly, my cats don’t really like other people. However, this time, the cat helps distract the children. At home I also prepare hand sanitizers since after touching the cat, they could clean their hands without going to the toilet/ washer.
Time flies lately that feels like my mom and I have been living an autopilot life. It’s like time passes and then, it’s night and repeat the same thing. I know that this challenging time will pass and maybe I’ll stop being sick about bread too.
A time away....
Yesterday and today, I got lucky that I was able to have some time away from the house. I can have coffee, clears my mind and think about my next step in life. Stepping away from home has helped and that also makes me more positive and stayed positive. I felt like I just went through a challenging storm that tested my patience and life. There were so many lessons learned from it that I’ll always cherish in my life. Perhaps, that is all for today and see you all around.
Thank you for those who commented on my previous post too..
 | 𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰. |
Sending you love and good vibes, and I wish you clear sight in your next steps dear @macchiata 🪷🪷🙏🙏🙏🪷🪷
Hope you had a great day and must have had a great time yesterday getting away from home ❤️
I"m guessing it's a cultural thing, but also a community thing. Like a celebration of life that distracts the family perhaps? Aims to keep their minds busy and ensure they don't feel alone? I can see how it would be overwhelming though.
It’s great to hear that you had some time for yourself to reflect and recharge. Sometimes, stepping away from our usual space can give us the clarity we need to see things from a fresh perspective.😊
Was thinking of mentioning coffee when I was reading the post and then I saw the last part! Hope you will get more time to recharge too!
You're handling everything with so much strength. Hoping you and your mom find peace soon. Also, your cats sound like the best little greeters! 🐱💕
Sometimes our cultures and tradition seems difficcult to follow,and goodluck to your next step in life.
!PIZZA
$PIZZA slices delivered:
(5/10) @danzocal tipped @macchiata
Mac, this post was quite insightful and honest. I am weighed down by your experience's weight, the tiredness of the memorial, and the mixed feelings of development. Your description of the unceasing questions and the bread surplus is quite familiar,it helps one to remember that grief may manifest in unexpected ways.
Your strength and capacity to discover small pleasures in the middle of it all, including the soothing company of your cats, astounds me. Your future projects sound thrilling; I wish you and your mom all the best in their next chapter. Look after yourself and bear in mind you are not travelling alone. Sending you much support and love.