People always consider me to be too gentle and mild. Sometimes it is the case that I fail to command authority when necessary, my friend Chris will with reference to that consider me to be too innocent. Over the years, I have really grown, I sometimes smile at my former self imagining how far I have come. Now, I am a different person from the extremely mild and gentle Ernest, but that does not completely change who I am.
I sometimes wish I could become the opposite of myself. I sometimes wish I can become unkind, hash or even brutal. These are wises that emanate from reactions towards unkind actions from others. I might be wrong, but I am of the opinion that kind people face more wickedness given their mild nature. I have had people retaliate with wickedness simply because I tried being kind. I felt it would have been different if I were like them; I would not have shown any kindness, and there would not have been room for their wicked retaliation. Mildly talking to customer in my place of work [where I was the manager] as I apologise for absolutely nothing cause him to rain insults on me. The incident caused the other staffs to whisper, "he is always licking the foot of these customers". Though they could not say it to my hearing, but yet I heard.
There have been times when I literally tried to be wicked. After being offended, I sometimes resolute within myself to become a different person from that day hence forth. These thoughts never last as they fade away with the anger with which they came. This is probably because I cannot change my nature, but I have seen people do. I have seen men and women become the beast they were once not. It is probably the case that I have not yet met a situation capable of altering my real self.
It is important to once again highlight the fact that I believe in growth and change, but I do not believe in changing my core personality. There are numerous things that I will like to change about my current state of life, ranging from my financial status to some ill characters that sets me back. On the other hand, the kindness I show to people is the only thing I have ever had thoughts of altering as far as my core personality is concerned. And so, I decided to share this occasional thoughts of my mine with you. I am certainly not the kindest man in the world, but I sometimes wish I can get rid of the little kindness I have left in me.
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