I Was on My Own - November Highlight

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I Was on My Own - November Highlight

Sometimes, you just want to be on your own, maybe walk the streets, sit quietly under a tree or lock yourself in the room. Do you think it's a problem? Do you try to get out of it early? Oh, how does it even make you feel when you realize you're putting a wedge between you and loved ones?

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I can't really tell why I do that. But I noticed that I tend to shut down my social interface when I'm anxious. More than once this month, I've had the urge to step out from work and run up one of the nearby plateaus, scream and quietly lie at the foot of the hill till sunset. There were times I wished the holidays started in November. There were (and still are) deadlines, crazy last minute changes to pre-planned schedules to put me on the edge (I literally had to bite my tongue on Monday of this week to keep from cussing out). And at the end of each of those days, I wished everyone disappeared for at least five hours.

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I'm not depressed, I promise.

Some time in the past, I lost sleep wondering why I wasn't enough and for two long weeks, I didn't leave my room except to get food every evening. I would buy jollof rice from one of those big fast food outlets and a loaf of bread once every two days. By the time I resumed work after my leave, I had lost 10kg (I kid you not). This month, I wrote a letter to everyone with whom I had a fractured relationship. The few responses made me want to go back to that past where I remained indoors for two weeks, but I can't do that now. I must show up everyday now.

I also hate to bother people with my problems, the few friends I still have are not content to just listen. I don't want this friend to go out of his way to fix something for me. I don't want that friend to call in favours for me that will leave him indebted to other people. So, I sit quietly, or take a long walk. This month, I spoke to myself, my different selves, and for the first time in my life, I heard the words with which I comfort my friends ring in my ears.

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I snap flowers, like this one, to bear witness when they're no longer listening.

So, in November, I was alone, mentally, more than I was in the company of other people, I showed up for myself as much as I showed up for other people. But tell me in the comments, how do you deal with the feeling of wanting to be alone?

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Hmmm times come when we do feel detached and attached to ourselves alone. Nevertheless, we should try to come out at some point and relate with people.
Have a wonderful December

Of course, only a recluse loves their own company at all times. I can be a live-wire at gatherings, but I also retreat into my very personal space every once in a while. Hopefully, everyone gets to understand this.

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Sometimes it's like that, I prefer to meditate and sort out solutions to my problems in a lonely arena.
I wish you a remarkable December @tayo6

I wish everyone understands that withdrawing into oneself has nothing to do with other people.

Thanks for the wish. I wish you the same.

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