Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
—Kahlil Gibran
Konnichiwa Hivers! Tis me, your ridgette who will share another book review. Today it will be about a thirteen-year-old girl, Amanda 'Mandy' Silva. Mandy hadn't been very excited about her birthdays because, for her, it meant getting older, and unfortunately, she wasn't getting bigger. She knew that each year she had disappointed her mother because she wasn't growing up to be the daughter that she wanted. Mandy knew that she could never follow her mother's beauty queen footsteps; that's why she'd been convincing herself to give up on the thought of pleasing her mother. Unluckily, she couldn't because, like any other girl, there's a part in Mandy that yearns for a mother's appreciation.
Opposite to her mother, her father was her comfort. He always called her muneca (doll). She really feels special and accepted whenever she's with her father. She knew that no one would think of her as a doll because dolls are beautiful and perfect, and she knew she wasn't like that. Dolls aren't short and skinny; they don't have ugly, limp hair or crooked teeth with braces. She loved her father so much, but everything changed on her thirteenth birthday. Whether she likes it or not, she'll be forced to adapt to this change, but can she?
Warning: Spoilers ahead.
About the Book
How would they know? Even if Dad had laughed himself to death, the truth was that he was gone and a part of me had died that day, too.
Can You See Me Now? is a novel written by Estela Bernal. This was her first published novel, and it was published in 2014 by Piñata Books. The novel is about a thirteen-year-old girl who felt invisible after her father's unexpected death and her mother's inability to cope with their situation. Her mother blamed her for her father's death; that's why she avoided Mandy. Her unhappiness was worsened by her peers constant bullying. Mandy struggles to accept her father's death, but what pained her more was her mother's reclusive behavior, which made her feel as if she had lost both of her parents that day. Will Mandy stay invisible to her mother forever? Or will she find a way to make her mother see her again?
How It Started
On the morning of her thirteenth birthday, Amanda received terrible news. Her father was killed by a drunk driver while on the way to pick up her present. To make her situation worse, she was stunned when she eavesdropped her mother blaming her for her father's death: 'If she hadn't insisted on that stupid watch for her birthday, he could still be alive.' Everything changed the day he left them. The days after that were purely tormenting for Mandy.
Her mother became reclusive, and she retreated into extra shifts at work to avoid Mandy. With that, Mandy is left with her grandmother, making her feel as if she had both lost her parents. To add further to her unhappiness, Mandy became the butt of cruel pranks at school. She even had to scrape her skirt off the chair because it had been super-glued by the bullies. She also developed a habit of excessive blinking, which became another reason why the kids in her school made fun of her.
But things took a sudden turn for the better when she befriended Paloma, an unusual new girl at her Central Middle School. Paloma introduced her to yoga and meditation. Later on, the number of her friends grew when a fire erupted in her neighborhood. Out of pity, she reluctantly became friends with Rogelio, an overweight boy who is bullied even more than she is. With her new friends, her temporary adopted dog named Lobo, and engaging school projects, Mandy was able to distract herself from the pain of losing her father and the cold treatment of her mother. Through the late-night letters that she wrote, she maintains her connection with her father, but until when can she endure being invisible to her mother?
How It Ended
Later on, after her appointment with Dr. Nakano, she discovered that her excessive blinking is called tics. Tics are little signals that your body is sending out to inform you that something's bothering you. With that, Dr. Nakano advised her to talk to someone about whatever was bothering her. She asked Mandy to talk to counselors so that her tics would be resolved before they started affecting her health. Slowly, Mandy started opening up.
With her new friends, she was able to see her new situation from a wider perspective. Her school and personal projects also contributed to the improvement of her disposition. She stopped evading the thought of reaching out to her mother because she realized that, like her, her mother was also hurting. Mandy knew that even if her mother was avoiding her, she needed to be by her side, and eventually her persistence paid off.
Her mother asked Mandy's forgiveness, and she confessed to her that she was jealous. She loved Mandy so much, but she realized that as she grew older, she became like her father. They became inseparable, and eventually her mother felt left out. When he died, she tried to get rid of everything that reminded her of him. She stayed away from Mandy because every time she saw her daughter, she also saw him.
She tried to move away to Seattle to run away from pain, only to realize that there's no place or way to hide from pain. She loved her husband so much that she knew she must let go. Letting go means accepting that he's dead and dealing with her current situation. That also means that she needs to stop running away and fix her relationship with her daughter.
The story ended with a surprise party for Mandy. After experiencing her father's unexpected death on her birthday, she wasn't able to celebrate it. With her friends and family at her favorite restaurant, she celebrated her belated birthday party. She was so happy, but she became happier the moment she opened the gift that her mother and father should have given her the day her father died. She read the card that was written by her father, and tears started to cloud her eyes. Her mother wiped her tears for her as she watched the squirming puppy jump into her arms.
That night, she wrote again to her father. She said that muneca would be the perfect name for her puppy. She also wrote to him that finally she's not seen as a mere target for the bullies because now she feels that everyone can see her for who she is. That also means that she isn't invisible to her mother anymore because she can certainly see her now.
I really cried while reading the ending part because once you get immersed in the story, you'll really feel the emotions that the characters must have felt. I can somehow relate to her mother because I know that most of the time, when I face problems, I distance myself from other people. I don't want them to be affected by my own problems, but little did I know I'd been affecting and hurting them by acting that way. Luckily, like Mandy, they never stopped reaching out to me, and for that, I'm certainly grateful.
I realized a lot of things from this novel. One is that running away from your pain won't definitely heal you; instead, it will only destroy you slowly. Also, I realized the importance of opening up and sharing your pain with the people who'll understand you. I know that they can't fully make the pain disappear, but at least I know they'll lessen your burden, and they will help you heal and move on. Further, I realize that it is important to allot time for yourself because the first step to healing depends on you. You can't just share your pain with other people if you're not able to feel and accept it yourself.
Overall, the story is heartwarming and inspiring. It is fast-paced and, at the same time, entertaining to read. I admired how the author was able to explore tough issues such as death and bullying with empathy and humor. So if you're looking for a heartwarming and enjoyable novel to read, Can You See Me Now? is definitely a must-read, and I rate it 3.8/5.
That's all for now, bookworms. See you again next time for my next book review—and take note, it's not spoiler-free!
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There is only one person who will listen and never judge who we are its God.
Indeed @chimegipamus, He will definitely listen to our troubles and He will never judge us the way other people do.
Nice book! I'll better grab a copy soon. Anyway, thank you for sharing @ridgette !🤗
It's definitely a good book to read @maryjolly, hope you'll get a copy soon ◜‿◝ ~♡