I have to admit that here on Hive, I've had a hard time relating with people from other counties and it shows in all I do here. Asides from you, I haven't had a proper conversation with anyone here who isn't Nigerian because I generally don't have an interest and I don't want to try to be different just so a person can understand me.
I find conversations with you to be easy because you've related enough with Nigerians so I know you can take a joke and I like the look on your face when I say something that sounds bizarre to you.
With other Americans or even Asians, I sense too much of a communication gap and it's not because they can't understand what I say or I can't understand what they say but because I just don't want to have to try too hard.
I really should though coz how else will I learn and grow if I don't.
I would love to talk about this next time. I'm glad you feel it's easy to talk to me :-D I feel the same way.
I think the thing that makes it really hard to connect sometimes is that "common sense" varies depending on who you talk to and people tend to find people who share the same common sense. Then they get confused when other people don't share the same common sense.
My common sense is pretty different from most established norms everywhere and so I'm always kind of on the outside, but then I realized that makes a path to connecting to anyone on the outside, regardless of where they are from.
Also, people can be overly sensitive and it complicates things, so it's always easier when you find someone who can laugh things off or not take things personally, but also not be shallow all the time. People will say ignorant shit too, regardless of where they are from or where you are from.
I met people who could not comprehend that I don't love hamburgers, they kept trying to take me to McDonalds and thought I was just being shy when I said I'd rather go to a local place. I've had people accuse me of trying to sleep with female friends because "That's what foreigners do". I've had people avoid talking to me just cause they think I don't speak the local language and they don't want to be bothered. (The first two were in other countries, the third happens constantly in Japan). I had to let all that stuff slide, although I make it clear that they are totally off.
What I realized is, 9/10 people I probably won't connect on so many things with, it doesn't matter where. And then the other 1/10 is going to be much easier to enjoy and connect with, so I just need to find that person. And also with the other 9/10, if you just find where their prejudices and overly sensitive points lie, you just avoid those topics, and they are pretty ok. Maybe there is 1/50 who is just overbearing and not worth any pleasantries.
I have a feeling that people are sensitive. Especially foreigners. I have conversations and it's like I'm walking on eggshells. I don't want to be offensive or get out of line and create an enemy I didn't bargain for. The best way to avoid that is to refrain from long conversations.
Initially, I tried walking on eggshells with you 🤣. I can't remember but you'd say some things and I'm like "oh cool, I can say be open about shit like that too, niceeee". I guess it's because you're just as curious.
I need more foreign friends though but I suck at making friends. If it isn't mutual from the start, I don't know how to force it.
I feel the same way with Americans! And not only Americans but especially Americans. It has to do with the dual cultures of left/right, black/white and city/country being toooooo divided and on guard of each other. And also because we spend half our education learning how to debate and create philosophical “arguments”. I guess I’m lucky that I could escape that by having so many international friends and being a loser and not interested in school when I was young.
There are always exceptions though. It’ll be easiest if you can find them! I’ll help wherever possible.
That’s funny you were walking on eggshells with me, but I can get really strong in sharing my opinions, I’m trying to drop that unless it’s going to be really really helpful in that moment.
!pizza
I hardly have opinions about a lot of things unless they involve conscience and certain values. Asides from those, I form my opinion about many other things from the opinions of others that resonate with my values.
I need more friends though. Feel free to introduce me to someone who wouldn't mind having long conversations every once now and then. Not too often though coz I always have so much work to be done.