The path to richness, part 16 - Donations and giving to others

In this series of 18 posts my goal is to bring to the front the consciousness of your relationship with money.

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So you have money, a certain amount, and someone asks you to help them. This someone could be a relative, a stranger or an NGO that has contacted you. Appeals for help use different approaches, some address your compassionate heart, some use fear and implicit threats ('God will love you more if you donate to the church'). What will you do?

To illustrate the dilemma I will use a real-life scenario: your son got a job 100km away from home, a job that requires him to travel back and forth 200km every day, three hours driving in traffic jams. He turns to you and asks you to give him money, $15,000 to buy a car that will serve him well. You take care of your dear son, wish him success, know he can find work on better terms, but he refuses to listen to you. He argues, and promises to return you the loan. Then he uses manipulation and reminds you the obligation you have towards him as his parents. What will you do? You have the money, but will you give it to him? What elements should you consider?

In answer to the hereinafter question I have given some criteria for proper giving, which take into account only one thing - the consciousness behind the giving. The principle is that if in giving there is unbalanced nourishment then it is wrong.

By the way, in the case I described above, the same son finally got the money, and to this day travels 300km every day. The commuting harms his health and he is aware of it. The money he received was not return (nor will it be). Moreover, the vehicle he bought for $15,000 was stolen(!) and the insurance company reimbursed only $10000 due to impairment and deductibles. The same parents understand today how their reluctance to confront their son, and their giving which stemmed from feelings of guilt, did not bring good in the long run.

Credi: unsplash

The dillema:

I love giving gifts especially to my grandchildren across the ocean. It makes me and them happy and I feel it brings us closer. I do it on a regular basis, on birthdays, on high holidays and when I travel to visit. Sometimes I do it a little too much. Is there something wrong with my behavior?

Some people like to give to others. They find ways to give, whether it is in deed (volunteering for example) or in money (donations to charities, buying gifts and the like). And it is beautiful, charming, sometimes noble and basically brings joy and happiness to the world.

But the giver should check with themselves the reason for giving. If, as you wrote, the reason is a pure closeness of hearts then there is no defect in it. But if the agenda is to raise your value then these acts are inappropriate. If behind the giving lies nourishment - and this is something only you can know - then it is better not to give.

Feeding can be one of the following perceptions of reality:

I give gifts to make up for my lack of attention towards someone else;
Giving helps me dispel the feelings of guilt that nestle in me;
I give in order to feel that I am a better person;
I give and donate to achieve something. It's common in religious institutions or sects of various kinds that tell their believers 'donate money to us to be more spiritual or to save for you a place in heaven.' This is, of course, deception and I use gentle words.

The bottom line is that if you give because you just want to, with no agenda, then it's great and there's no flaw in it.

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Links to previous posts in the series: