As I get older, I'm become increasingly uncertain about the future. I also feel like I'm being pressured to settle down right away as I get older, and the question of when to get married continues to haunt me. For 26 years of living and observing the people around me who are married, I have never seen anyone truly happy in their marriage. Most of them actually always talk about the misery they experience.
So, how should I find the ideal partner for the future? Meanwhile, I myself do not have a picture of that ideal person. In my opinion, just finding someone who is 'good' is not enough, right? Even to express 'I like you' to the person I like doesn't seem enough. That person even questioned what I liked about them. It feels very complicated. However, what I know is that I like it because of its simplicity. Many people say that love is easy as long as we are with the right person. But, when will the right person come? Time and again, I feel like I end up with people who don't meet my expectations. In actually, I frequently run into folks who break my heart.
So, what does the ideal partner look like? Although I know that everyone must have their own criteria for an ideal partner, I am still curious about my own criteria. Because my desires often change. One day, I might prefer someone with softer language, but another day, I might choose someone who is more firm and diligent. However, one thing I believe is that I feel more understanding when it comes to someone I like. As they say, 'love is blind.'
I also frequently see different kinds of connections, and occasionally I wind up perplexed. What kind of connection do I want to establish in the future? It's obvious that I want to find a wonderful partner - someone who will respect me, be able to keep me safe, and have faith in me. Nevertheless, it appears that those items are insufficient to create a solid basis for existence. Furthermore, I frequently experience insecurity and doubt about my own abilities.
However, there is one thing I want. I want to be loved in a simple way. As simple as being able to live together in peace, chatting about small things as well as more serious ones, solving problems without making the bigger, holding hands, and supporting each other. But, it seems that it's difficult to realize that in my life. Because no one is willing to hold my hand. For someone like me, it seems expensive and hard to obtain. They often see me merely as an object. I thought simple love was easy, but to obtain it, you need to search for it meticulously, like finding a needle in a haystack.
It was a simple love I once hoper for. The person I wished for, however, doesn't want me. I'm worn out. Consequently, I can only have hope in the Creator.
*Additionally, this piece can be found on my Medium under the account @Rosinta in language Indonesia.