Nice reading.
Seems that your body doesn't respond well to substances or combinations contained in beer.
It would probably be best for your health to avoid these drinks.
What I think about your questions:
Can you drink as much beer as you like?
No, of course not. But also I can't drink as much water as I like. Or milk. Or whiskey...
Can you still manage pub crawls visiting at least 30 and then you can pass a sobriety test?
No, but I never in my life visited 30 pubs at crawl...
Are you ‘legless' right now while reading about this?
No, of course I understand that some people do not like beer...my son for example...
Are you the type who boasts about how many beers you drank last night?
No, I'm tasting beers :)