It has been so hard lately...
For the past few months I was being crushed by stress and pressure from my work, my family, my relationship with my boyfriend and with myself.
Its just too hard...
I know crying won't do anything, but I believe that crying is a form of release where you can let go all of your emotions and strive to get back up again and move forward with life.
But I came to a point where I was tired of crying.
I was and I even wanted to end my life just so I can find this "peace". If only killing yourself wasn't a sin, I would've already done it in the first place.
I got so stressed with my career life.
Where should I go?
Will I be stuck forever in this low position?
Will I never get to be a regular employee?
Will I keep enduring this small and delayed salary?
Will the efforts of me graduating from a topnotch University be worthy in this kind of work?
When will my father acknowledge my career life?
Then I got stressed of money
When will the debts end?
When will I be of use in the house? When will I be able to contribute to its bills?
When will I be able to taste a high amount salary?
When will I be rich and make my parents proud?
I then got stress on my relationship with my partner
When will we get back to the way we were before?
Will we just keep on fighting?
When will I stop crying? When will I be hurt no more?
When can we be both mature enough to handle our arguments and differences?
Do I deserve to be treated this way?
Depression took a toll on me... again.
My anxieties were all over the place.
I was panicking with my life.. with the future.
I felt... useless, worthless.
I've never been so confused.
My emotions was like a storm.
My faith was failing me.
And all of my hopes were falling away.
I felt that all of the things that I have are now slipping away from my hands.
I got no one else to talk to or go to. I can't possibly bother my friends with my own problems and waste their time.
And so I'll handle it myself.
A few hours ago, I wasn't feeling good...emotionally. Everyone was asleep. I went out of my room and saw my cat sleeping in the living room all cozy up. I always approach him and just play with him for a sec. But when I got close to him, I felt his warmth, his fluffy coat, his obedience, his stillness, his silence. I felt....somekind of comfort.
I was on the verge of crying. I wanted to squeeze him tight and just hug him. But of course, I can't cause my clothes would be covered in white fur in just a few seconds. And Nico doesn't like to be hugged. (And you might be wondering why a massage bed is there. It's because my parents like to have their spa day and other massaging shits be done here in our house, by of course, calling a masseuse over.)
He didn't bit me or even meowed at me. He just sat there and let me pet him.
I slowly and gently hugged him close to my face cause I really do want to feel his warmth. I felt so vulnerable and so at peace. I got no one else to go to but I was thankful that a cat gave me comfort despite the silence. No verbal communications, no arguments, no advises, just...
warmth.
Now I let him have his time to sleep. Thank you my little baby for giving mommy some comfort.
I'm still not doing well emotionally but rest assured I'm taking care of my physical body quite well. Just like taking care of my reproductive health. I am still getting myself back up and move forward with life. I think I just need a few days off like some vacation or something...
Ang hirap ng buhay, ang hirap pang mabuhay.
I have this moments too and most of the times it is 'I' slash 'ME' who can apparently solve the problem. As you age you just automatically find something to help you with. We tend to be not a burden to someone kasi nga they have their own worries too. In your case having your pet cat around works. MIne? I sweat it out. Endorphins release.
Grabe ang last lines mo. Ramdam na ramdam. But yeah, You will get there. Somehow kaya KAPIT LANG sis @anarkia
!PIZZA
Siguro I'm getting to that point of my life na maging independent sa you know... life. Di lang yung klaseng independent na you'll be living on your own but the kind of independence na you can still live life even if your on your own. Ganern.
Ooooh, so your form of release is hitting the gym or doing some exercise ? Gusto ko rin yan eh kaso, damn, may commitment na ako sa kama ko eh. hahahaha.
Tagos ba to the bones? hahaha pero hays totoo yang sinabi ko. Yan talaga fine-feel ko right now. ugh. Minsan ang hirap na talagang mabuhay.
Yesssur. As Gary Valenciano always sings "kung waaaaalllaaa ka nang, maintindihan. Kung walaaaaaaa ka nang, makapitan. Kapit lang sa aaaaakiiin, kapit lang sa aaaakkiiiiin."
Hi @anarkia! My heart goes out for you. Not sure if my words would either help too but I understand you as I have been in that situation before. It doesn't get better as fast I would like to. I feel there are a lot of unnecessary expectations you are holding on to and this causes so much mental anxiety. What I did before was to let go of these things and decided to focus on myself and it was a game changer for me. And when I say focus on myself - going through the healing that I needed to do. I hope you find that as well. Ask for it and the universe will show you ways and the support you need to do the healing.
Seeing you with your cat reminded me of my deceased pet cat Osiris. he was my companion through the challenging phase of my life. He served his purpose and he left when I was better. Cats have this amazing ability to absorb our negative energies so being with them just helps with grounding ourselves and finding the comfort and peace we need.
Hello @indayclara :) Thank you for this. Believe it or not, while I was reading your comment it kinda gave my heart an ache (but in a good way) and I felt reassured again. Like a pat on my back or a little push. I was holding back tears. I just feel so lonely and confused and pressured.
Maybe I'll do what you did. I'll do my best to let go and focus more on myself. But I don't even know where to start. 😅
I'm sorry for the lost of your cat. I'm sure he has lived his life with you fruitfully and happily. Thank you for taking care of him till his last breath.
Its good to know that even though humans can comfort us, there's just something about our pets that they do absorb all those negativities away.. even if its just for a moment. When no one else gave that to me, my cat did. All the warmth I needed to feel and the silence I needed to hear.
Sometimes I feel the problem is in my mental state. I wanted to go to a psychiatrist or something to take a look into my mental health but money always keeps getting in the way. hays..
Sige lang, baka sa sunod pag may budget na, makakapag punta na rin sa psycho doctor.
Thank you ulit ha? Thank you for sharing and for encouraging :)
Ask help from God/The Divine/The Universe, let go of how it will happen, surrender to the magic, and trust the process.
I had this thoughts before and I never ever went one because somehow my healing led me to meditation, yoga, and joining spiritual communities but yeah its not for everyone. But again, let go and trust that healing is already happening in your life and things will follow through.
Aight, proud of you already for having the awareness and I'm pretty sure you will come out of this dark shithole stronger and powerful. 😉
True. I think I do need to go back to my faith slowly na. hays. Thank you for reminding me that @indayclara .
I just thought that if I go to a psychiatrist or something, I would know if what mental disorder i have and may do some therapy to lessen it (?). You know something like that. Its good that you can do self healing. Not many others can do that either. You're such a strong woman indeed. 😊
Just like what Buster Moon from the animated film Sing (2016) said:
pwede magpahinga pero bawal ang sumuko ..fight lang friend
opo. lavaaaan paren
We will really come to a certain in our life where we will feel and experience mixed negativities. But I just want you to know that everything happens for a reason and it's true. You may not realize it yet but sooner you'll know what it is. In addition, do what makes you happy and don't avoid the problem. Find the root cause and fix it as early as possible. Seek help if you can't do it alone.
That saying keeps going on in my mind "everything happens for a reason." I do believe it but sometimes, ang hirap lang. A friend of mine also said na its okay not to be okay! But its not okay to always be not okay! 😁 Thank you for your advice. I'll do my very best 😊
Hugs for u and your miming. Kung pwede lang talaga itigil ang mundo. Kahit ako, pinanghihinaan din ng loob hayss minsan iniisip ko nabubuhay lang ba tayo para sa pagsubok.
Thank you for the hugs! 😥❤️
Minsan sa sobrang encourage ko sa sarili ko ng "Laban!" para na akong isang katipunero
HAY BUHAAAAAY NGA NAMAAAAN
I can relate, minsan nga nagbabasa pa ako ng madaming motivational quotes para lang talaga mabuhayan ako hahahah. Btw ang cutiee ng selfie niyo ng mingming mo. 😻
hhahahaha ma ooverload na tayo ng motivational quotes hanggang sa makatanggap tayo ng ganitong klaseng quote:
hahahahaha sleepy pa si miming Nico namin. Ginising ko lang sya para makapag selfie. hahahahahha
Hahahah relate ako sa quote na yan, life sucks 😭😭😭
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I've been there. Got stressed at home and with my ex-bf. so I broke up with my ex. Good riddance.
well if its something that you should let go to achieve your peace, then thats nothing wrong with that. Me and bf are just having a hard time now but were good. We just need some space and improve ourselves more.
Grabe naman ang dinadaanan mo @anarkia, and I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but I'm unable to provide the help that you need. It's really important to talk things over with someone who can, though, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life.
Napili po namin ang post na ito sa aming curation ng MCGI Cares Hive community. Nais po namin kayo na anyayahan sa aming community na nag aaral ng salita ng Dios. Maaari rin po natin i-follow ang aming Official Youtube channel. Keep doing the great job po ❤️
Thank you for the advice. I still have friends who are willingly and tirelessly help me through my mental health, and thats good. Godbless you.
God bless po @anarkia
Yay! 🤗
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Problems and those isipin really never stop bothering us. But we can just keep on fighting because what choice do we have right. As long us we're not giving up, for sure along this journey, our time of happiness will also come. I hope sana dumating na yong sayo, yong happiness and peacefulness nalang ang meron and nothing more. Fightuuuuu! Please kiss kawaii Nico for me. ( ◜‿◝ )♡
HUHUHU yung happiness and peacefulness talaga 😞
True. Wala tayong choice kundi ang lumaban. Para na talaga akong katipunero nito, lagi nalang lumalaban. HAHAHAHA hay buhay
Thank you @ruffatotmeee for the encouragement. i needed to hear that. wuvyuu 😭❤️
HWAIIIITTTINNNGG!~
Ito reply ni Nico miming sayo raw:
KO si ser. Naparami ata kain isda hahahahha