Stuck Inside A Loop | But it's Beautiful

It feels totally different, nowadays I can easily write about anything, I kind of missed it for a long time. There were times I needed hours to write a single paragraph. I will eventually lead to that state after continuously doing this job of putting thoughts into words.

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It's always like this, I will write with a flow for a certain time, and then suddenly everything stops. It's a kind of a cycle, but this
the time I could feel a difference, There's a change in mood after I write something and also I can't stop writing down my thoughts.

Even if no one reads it, I'm getting clarity of what are the things that are happening inside of me. I'm always confused these days,
There are lot of doubts and worries inside my head, which are dwelling in each moment. When I write I kind of feel relaxed and kind of
revived. That may be what writing something is.

The word "Love", always confused me. Still, I don't know the meaning of it. Even the search for the meaning for it will be a never-ending
the novel, it's confused with a lot of other words like "care", "possessiveness", "attraction" etc. I also don't know what it stands for.
I have heard a lot of thinkers talking about "Love" as unconditional and everlasting, but seriously?. How can we do that? There are
certain people who demand they have done that. But I don't know, someday I will reach that state too. "possessiveness" is not a good thing,
but sometimes it will just burst out of any human being.

When I put "Love", in the context of a Relationship it could come up with a lot of other meanings, it's a sum of a lot of other words. So I'm really
confused, for me, the better way seems like to not go much deeper into it. When I go deeper I feel like there's more into it. But in reality, there isn't that much.
Going behind a word may not gonna get me to the place where I want. There are moments where I feel, the most part of the literature that I have read has
a misconception of love. They try to overcomplicate just like monks.

I think I have the right to question them, we all have. When I started writing I also was trying to imitate them, I have also written things that overcomplicated the term. I don't call this a big growth, but I'm less worried about it now. If I try to look at it, more carefully
it's all just some chemicals inside the brain. Accepting that gonna give a bit of a relaxed feel.

When I realize there's not much to go deeper, I could just go with the flow and avoid these deep feelings I have on these illusions.
Whatever I learned in schools and colleges, which they called complex, I could look at it as some kind of stupid philosophy. There were times I
always try to listen to the greatest thinkers, they all seem a lie now. There are only a few people who try to tell something real, and they
are not selling anything. And they are not just talking, they have done all they could to put some changes in the world.

Actions are more important than just knowing things and enacting, most of us are just like that. We know what's the right thing to do, but we don't act upon
it. And that is the kind of nature I have developed even from the beginning, we are taught things that way. We always knew what's the right
thing to do and still, we are continuing this path. Sometimes this becomes a burden when we know the right thing for the most part.

Like Rachel said that in the "Batman" movie, It's not what we are deep down, it's what we do that defines us. More than having the knowledge
on everything, it's best to just have the knowledge on the few and act upon it. It's more like sharing that with the world, rather than being feared of the world and shutting up yourself. I still don't know what love is, rather than giving much thought to it it's better to live with the people around and
the feel of being alive could figure out it on itself.

I was confused when I started writing this, and when it ends still I am, but the confusion is now in a more peaceful space. I could ignore that and live.