How do you feel that moment you have come to the acceptance of your mistakes upon realizing what you have and don't have is a result of a great percentage of your actions?
Do you suck it up or tear up in secret letting those tears flow as remember your pasts wishing you could have done it better?
Or maybe you don't do any of those but kept going with bravely and the decision of not letting yourself taking the blame? But one thing is sure if you opt to this it won't take long before it's going to come back, haunting you because no matter how you try to block or hide it, it's going to be always there. For deep down you know it's your fault maybe not totally you but a great percentage of it was due to your actions
Maybe you won't do any of the aforementioned and you just decide to play it cool and safe by coming out to the world letting them know how you failed, how you crumbled your own self little by little with each decision and step you took but is being vulnerable to the world really the best option?
What if the world sees you in your bad shape but don't accept you and leave you down on the ground ignoring everything you poured out to them.
You are going to definitely feel more frustrated and like no one cares about you and may begin to ask yourself if you are worth it?
But it's going to be cool at the end even if you feel so down for the moment and it won't be the worst but do you know the worst will be? Is letting them know how vulnerable you are and they use it against you like adding more injury to the wound you already have. How will you resurrect and wash your soul and become redeemed if that will be the case?
I woke up from a short nap this afternoon with a series of these questions in my head. One thing I know for sure is I know my wrongs but have I accept it as a part of me? No, I haven't, I guess I am just too scared to go into my past because I don't want to feel so miserable like I did when I was into it but something I know for sure is that my bravely is false, I keep acting to be better when I am not.
Each day, I want to correct my mistakes by taking some steps I think will shape my life into having a good future and yes at times it's a kudos to me when I do take that steps but most times I do flop up and when I do I always motivate myself not to give up and keep fighting.
But today it's all coming to me. Maybe I am not getting things right because I keep blocking my past which is a significant part of me.
And how can I seek for redemption and be redeemed? If deep down I don't see myself to be worthy enough? I need a second chance, I mean we all need chances in our lives and at times more than twice.
But how can the world give us another chance when we are not ready to give ourselves that chance to make it right?
You can't love someone if the person doesn't love him/herself so instead of giving them much love, teach them how to love themselves.
I think instead of me seeking redemption in the world. I should accept my past and start seeing me as someone deserving of a second chance and be redeemed.
I got to drop my pen here and reply to the piled up messages in my inbox that's making some folks get angry at me because of my no reply after days of being texted.
I guess no one can really understand me except me and I am choosing to understand myself by easing my thoughts having some free air putting up these words in me together down so that I can feel free and relieve.
You just had my thoughts dear. This is exactly my situation. We can't change the past, sometimes when I think of my past mistakes, I sob quietly with a deep sigh of regret. But I can't change it, I wish I could but it is in the past and that is why it's at the back, let's look at the things forward and accept all wrongs. You grew in knowledge, that is the advantage of letting go. Stay strong forever