I am alive, but I have lost myself in so many natural experiences of love, lust, and feelings that were good at the beginning but later ended up in a broken heart, sometimes physical pain is far much more better than emotional pain.
Sometimes I feel this way maybe because growing up I have never experienced or lost any of my loved ones or family before except for my close friend. Life is deeper than we think, experiencing this pain made me wonder why I need to see or experience this person that caused this pain to me, why life has to make me experience this, can’t there just be peace throughout everything and everyone lives happily ever after aiming for their dreams and peace of mind. When I started to search for deeper knowledge about why this is, I read books and watched people experience saying this pain only makes us stronger, quote “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”, this is a fact I read online from someone's comment and I felt it deep. In life, everyone will have to experience emotional pain either from the family or from anyone around.
Sometimes I sit in silence thinking of everyone and everything around me, I just want people to be happy around me, but sometimes I thank God I experienced this at an early stage and I didn’t feel it at a late stage because that would have been far deeper than I can ever imagine, life is a lesson we all have to go through, sometimes we can get someone to help us sometimes no one to help us, but the main of it all is that when we fall we must try every means to stand up back because that is where our superpower lies, I hope never to experience this feeling again, this is an experience I will never forget throughout my lifetime. Deeper than my mind can ever explain.
I grew up in a Christian home, where anytime I felt bothered or lost in thought, we were trained to always pray our way out that only God Saves and he can save anyone, but deep down I have gone several times on my kneels tears gush out and feel the pain every time. Sometimes I wonder if I am losing my mind, the pain and struggles are just too much for me to overcome and very overwhelming but I can feel some changes in me now, I am a different person my words are now like a sharp object ready to pierce through anything, I never thought or imagine myself growing up that I will be this cold, but a lot of changes has begun and I know I am on the right part to being a Real Man. I can never pray this pain on my enemy or anyone around me
This thought started when I was listening to the song Train Wreck. I was scrolling through my TikTok then my searches were reflecting more on this song I enjoyed listening to it because it took me deeper in thought and I was reflecting on a lot of things happening around me