try to start cleaning all the mess. It's a lot of energy accumulated. It will bring you some peace and I bet you will feel better.
this week I made a tarot reading for the community and after reading your post I remembered the results I got thinking on the hive community. Maybe it can help you.
Remember that you have the power to choose your own path and shape your own future.
https://peakd.com/hive-152123/@lucianaabrao/my-reading-for-the-community-22-04-30
Thank you.