"I don't know if I told you... I don't know if you remember..."
I always remember. Moreover, I don't care for it when people assume I've ignored them. I'm sure this has happened to you, as well. It seems to be increasing in our ever-screened interactions. People stay glued to their phones, or generally with their minds elsewhere while you talk to them, and you just sort of accept they don't care. That they're not paying attention. Like, you know they are, sort of, but not fully. If you need to remind them the next day, or tell them a million times over, that's alright. You're not worth paying that much attention to.
I'm someone who pays attention, and it's often been noticed. Like "wow, you really took an interest". Seems fairly ordinary to me, as long as I consider you someone worth listening to and spending time with, I'll generally pay attention to what you say, are interested in, plan on doing, where your family's from. That sort of thing. This isn't to toot my own horn, but rather to say how surprising it is to me that that's something worth commenting on, in the first place.
You should hope, at least, that the people who value you and are important in turn have paid attention, especially when you're talking about something that matters. I test people sometimes. Only when I feel they're going over something again. I'll let them re-explain something for a bit, then ask them, don't you remember saying this to me before?
Sometimes they genuinely don't, which is another thing I don't care for. Not being absurd here, obviously I don't expect you to remember mentioning your sister's birthday six months ago or whatever. But if it's things about you, that are important to you and that you've talked to me about, I expect you to expect me to be paying attention. Otherwise, it makes me feel in turn like you're just running your mouth and could be doing that with ten other people for all you care. If it's not important enough for you to remember telling me, it's not worth me remembering.
But other times, they do remember. And they'll say something like "yeah but I didn't know if you remembered/were paying attention".
... and if I wasn't, what? You'd just let me slide with it? And if I don't pay attention now, what, you're just gonna keep saying the same things 20 other times? Why.
Some people have poor memory, but most of the time, people are not paying attention to you (i.e. thinking what they'll say next or being somewhere else entirely while you're talking). I see no point in going about like that.
I have good memory, if I do say so myself, which is lucky, but I also make sure it gets plenty of exercise. I pay attention when people I care about are talking to me. I make mental notes of their families, their backgrounds, how they feel about pickles, that sort of thing.
And maybe it's because I'm fairly reclusive. It takes something for you to break through to me, so I can afford to remember the little things about people who are impactful.
But I also expect them to remember. And to remember telling me. Again, not every little damn thing. Maybe not about the pickles. But about the core things that make you you, the exciting things happening to you or your loved ones - if you're just running your mouth, maybe I've made a mistake about you.
It doesn't always work. I'm quite dogged in my loyalties. I'll keep filing things inside my little mental altars where I keep and cherish what's meaningful to me. But I'll be hurt when someone doesn't remember telling me. Be hurt also if I realize they didn't think they were worth listening to, as people often do, because chances are, if you're inside one of my altars, I think the world of you.
I was gonna call this post "I Remember You", so this seems obligatory. Gosh, I used to love Sebastian Bach when I was about 12. You shoulda seen how proud I was when the music teacher was chiding us about not giving a damn about classical music and I was all like "but Miss, I listen to Bach every day".
Again, I'm with you, but Lord help you if I get it through my head you're taking advantage of me, or making light of my loyalty. Then, I'm a Mafioso with a beef. In which case, a song that starts with "fuck you" feels like just the right vibe for me.
This time I'm leaving you, baby, ain't nothing you can say
Been plenty of time for talking, that time gone passed and gone
Somebody gotta make a move even if it's wrong
Would you say you pay attention to people? (Probably.) Would you say people pay attention to you?
Grateful to have come across this post as I was about to log out. Alas! It is absolutely worth reading with the bonus of Skid Row's piece which is one of my favorites. Paying attention is now scarce in the age of modern technology and this is getting intensified most especially to the younger generation. With the handheld device, many have forgotten that in order to have authentic connection one must be disconnected from what have been stealing their attention from the real world. For parents like me, this is truly a big challenge we are battling daily as we witness and deal with the distraction of our children that we have been lovingly and tenaciously raising into becoming a better adult. Thanks for this post for it makes me feel so human realizing that I am not only thinking about attention and focus with the people we relate with day by day.😊
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STOPI try my best to be present and to pay attention but, quite honestly, I'm not always successful. I've become somewhat used to people not fully paying attention to me, although it's a pet peeve. I have a hearing issue which makes it difficult to tell how loudly I'm speaking (especially in noisy situations) so I tend to undercompensate sometimes and speak too softly. I have to constantly remind myself that this is sometimes the reason people aren't fully paying attention.
I always try to pay attention to things that are said to me, especially if the person speaking interests me. I remember a lot of things too and people are surprised that I remember them, like one time I remembered the birthday of a little girl who said no one remembered her birthday because she was born on January 1 and I remembered and congratulated her. Listening and remembering what they tell us is a gift that one gives to the other. Nice selection of music, my friend. Regards
The thoughts are giving ❤️