Today I thought I needed to play with sincerity, piano improvisation #014
For today’s improvisation, the thought crossed my mind that I should play with sincerity. But doesn’t that mean that previously I wasn’t playing with sincerity? I’m not sure it’s that extreme, but I do think there were times when I relied on tricks or conventions.
Every time I sit in front of the piano I feel fearful. Improvisation is an itinerary of sounds that converge to form a map. Without knowing what kind of map will be drawn, or what destination you’ll arrive at, you have to start moving first.
When I’ve finished playing an improvisation, I can feel that a lump of indescribable emotions has been extracted out of me. And then my memory of the music itself goes pitch black. I don’t look at it until much later. Listening to my playing, watching myself playing. They both require courage, every time.
At some point I feel like the things inside me are being exhausted, depleted. I feel like I’m slowly running out of things to say with the piano. Right now my life is stable, so I don’t feel the need to go off on an uncertain adventure. I don’t want to.
These past few days I’ve thought that it might be okay to just stop playing improvisations now. Still, it feels like it would be a shame. So, I resolved to revive that sense of rigid nervousness that I had when I first played an improvisation.I don’t know what path will unfold, or what the end will look like, but I decided that I’m going to give it my all and carry on.
I seek to soothe through piano my emotions that can't be expressed with words. In those times I am free. This channel started as a "diary written through music". Thank you for listening.