Imma start by saying this was going to be a post about loving your body, not in the cliche, woke style, but in the sense that, you know, you're you, and if even you turn against yourself, then you're pretty fucked, aren't you? Anyway, I'm not gonna tell you the whole thing, 'cause maybe I decide to write that someday, too.
But then, I kinda veered in a different direction. When the KISS Minimalist community asked ~ what's holding you back? ~ I didn't really think about it consciously. And as often happens, it invited the obvious to fly straight in my face.
I think my body is, and no, I don't think it's a self-image thing. Or a why's my face like this or like that thing. Rather a... corporeal thing. Isn't that a neat word? Well, this post came from a moment where I felt corpounreal.
Movement has become such an integral part of my day and my life that I can't remember how I was before. When I sublet my body, but still felt a guest. I used to be a good tenant. I dusted the blinds, and kept the windows clean, so that people passing on the outside of me would look and think what a nice flat she is. I made it looked homely, and thought that might turn into a home.
Now? I don't know what the people outside think. I haven't thought about them in a long time. Now, my body just is, and sometimes, I gotta leave, just so I have something to come back to.
What do I mean?
I mean before, my body and spirit lived on different floors, and moved independently. They didn't even know when the other was gone, or where. It didn't matter, I suppose. But now, they've gotten used to moving as one, so when one outruns the other, it's a really poignant feeling. That's what corpounreal feels like. It's when the spirit moves too fast, and leaves the body behind for a moment. Funnily enough, it happens when the body moves in just the right way.
It happened couple nights ago, floating in my hammock. Doing an aerial 180, I unlocked a door that my spirit slipped through, and left my body in the dust. It was bizarre, 'cause I don't know where my consciousness went, if it flew with the spirit, or stayed with the head. Sometimes, you move so perfectly that the spirit just flows, and you glimpse into the ethereal.
I felt like my body was too slow. Weighing me down. Like I needed to move outside it for a while, so I floated. I'd say I danced, except that's quaint. I think that's the only way the spirit moves, 'cause no one ever taught it how to walk.
It's the highest high, and I think you can learn to unlock it consciously. I think once you realize it's there, it's impossible to forget, and you're doomed to keep chasing it. The flow that sets you free.
What's moving consciously?
A hip term often thrown around by pseudo-spiritual people, moving consciously sounds like a load and we both know it. You and me. But it doesn't have to be. Really, how often are you aware of what you're doing? How often do you feel the muscles in your leg tense up to hold your weight? How often do you acknowledge where your center of gravity is, or whether you're leaning your weight front or back?
I used to think these things didn't matter. I could never be a fitness girl, or an athlete, because I wanted to be someone devoted to the spirit and the mind. Lifting weight's cute, but have you tried reading? Talk about a high. For me, the two could not, for some reason, coexist, and I thought I could thrive on a mental plane alone.
Turns out haha, aren't you a laugh, kid. Except it took me a while to figure that out. Turns out, you can't set the mind or the spirit free, as long as the body isn't. I've heard the idea mentioned before, but I'm not sure it works, anymore. And it seems perilous to encourage people to divorce them from one another.
Rather, it seems to me, the only way to be free, is to weave body and spirit so closely that they learn to move and exist like one.
...Until they don't anymore.
What's holding you back right now? My body is. Because it moves too slow, even when it's moving too fast. But I'll keep returning to it, 'cause I haven't found other ways to break free. Pulling me back, while also propelling me forward, and now my body and spirit dance in a tacit, secret-sweetheart embrace.
I escaped. I existed, for too brief moments, outside space and time, in a world where I've never known my body, or its familiar necessary constraints. And I've never, in this consciousness, at least, known that sensation before. The sensation of freedom unlike any dictionary in our known world describes it. What a fucking feeling.
I'm not sure any of this makes sense. I feel the more I talk, the less it does. Still. I don't know how else to explain it, this sensation of otherworldly flow, without. By which I mean, I know better words, and clearer phrases to get the point across. In by-the-book terms. But this is the only way I know how to express the sensation, so here we are.
I don't know if this fits into the Minimalist community, but I think it does. Shedding even the body, I don't see how much more minimalist you could get, so to speak.
There are many ways to describe the nostalgic feelings this paragraph evoked in me. I've not yet tried submerging myself in that otherworldly flow but I know what it means to try to catch up with your body that is moving too slow, yet too fast for you.
I relate with your writings a lot because it may not make a lot of sense to people but that's what it's all about right? When you finally see, that's when you begin to understand. If that makes sense. Lots of !luv🤗
Thank you so much for the support, and the kind comment! I really appreciate it. I don't know if it's a matter of submerging yourself. I think it's you let go, and one day, it finds you and catches you by surprise :D Thank you for stopping by, my friend! Hope you're well.
I'm doing quite alright, thanks for asking. I'll surely try it one day. Letting go, with the hope that one day it finds me. It was pleasure reading this.
Wait until you're almost 80, then things become really simple... my body is ancient and doesn't work anymore!
I think you're purposefully misinterpreting here, sir :P And I'm sure "ancient" is an exaggeration ;)
If I was anymore sedentary there'd be moss growing on me
beautiful, looks like flying, would also like to try it out :)
Thank you! It's well worth it ;)
What can I say but WoW!
I've enjoyed reading this immensely.
I get exactly what you mean, by your creatively unique delivery. Right now in my life, my body and mind are not in sync at all. I've been yearning to get back into a fitness routine, which I enjoy more outdoors... but have been putting it off for various reasons...
On another note, I've always been curious to try aerial yoga, and your photos are convincing 🙌
Aw thank you, I'm so glad to hear that <3
Maybe it's just how it was meant to happen right now. Maybe you're meant to discover some new type of movement that's more healing and nurturing than you would've hoped. Who knows? ;)
I highly recommend it! I'd never heard about it, then I was talking to someone about yoga, and bam, next thing you know, Zuckerberg's suggesting this hammock-y thing. For once, I was grateful for the input xD Multiple times now, I've gone with 0 enthusiasm and energy for it, and left on a cloud.
You're right.
I'm not on the mat right now, but I can thank my yoga and Qigong teachings for helping me cope mentally and emotionally even when my world is upside down... It's just physically that I need to do more, and those are wise words... Probably something new 🤗
This is the second time I'm hearing about Qigong on the blockchain within a couple of weeks. I have got to look into this :)
<3
Oh yeah! Qigong is my everything.
There are various spellings: Chi Kung and also Qi Gong:)
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