Don't take more than what you need.
It's a good ethos to structure your life by, whether you're going to a buffet or making new friends. It's one I've sought to live by, as well as I can. Be much easier if I wasn't so contrarian by nature and wasn't somewhere so haunted by the idea of getting what I long for. Sometimes you take things because you can, not because you need them. Gluttony goeth before a fall as much as pride, don't you know. Or in some cases, lust.
But I've grown up a bit, and am trying to keep it inside the court now.
In my close relationships, I try to listen more than I talk, while also being mindful not to deplete or isolate myself too much. I take copiously, but I justify that by dint of my art. What I take as an artist differs from what I take as a person. So I give love and things, my dogged loyalty as a trinket to hang about your ear.
Because of that, I'm very selective about who gets in. I have a very easy personality to preface my very difficult personality, which accounts for my getting along with most people on a superficial level, at least.
In the people I keep close, also, I try to only take the ones I need. That means I stomp where I can emotional leeches and energy vampires. I suffer, each spring, bad allergies to frightfully stupid people, which makes for mandatory social culling. I don't care so much if our opinions differ. Indeed, that may make you unsuitable as a permanent mate, but I won't cast you out just for saying what I won't. However, I want you to genuinely be saying it, and not regurgitating what you've heard.
Things I need - people who don't allow their brains to rot because it's expedient.
And there's so many of them. At present, Romania's fallen yet another rung, achieving essentially the status of banana republic. No better time than the present to sort those who think from the gumbies of life. I "take" people who nurture and expand their wisdom and try to keep them close because the people in your life end up defining you.
I don't really care if you have money or if you'll go on expensive trips with me, but aligning yourself blindly to any one ideology suggests a great poverty of spirit and wit I refuse to tolerate.
Things I need - honesty and the absence of cruelty.
I've spent long stretches of time deliberating over certain people in my life. To have or have not. And in the end, it often boils down to this. I look after myself and my heart by banishing people with a penchant for lies and cruelty. I'm cruel, also, but only when provoked. I look back and think, but they didn't say, or they did, they did things that one does not do to a friend.
How then can I say we're friends, still?
It sounds pretty rad, but it's not really, because I've a leaky heart. I'll go on loving people long after they mucked me about, but I won't let them back into my life. My head knows to shepherd me even when my heart's playing hooky.
I value, so much, honesty. The people I've loved best have been people I've been able to speak with openly, without being asked to cover my heart or my eyes. If our friendship can only exist under censor, I'm afraid it's not a love I know how to give.
Things I need - for you to take only what you need, also.
I dislike it when people try to finagle a better deal for themselves than what they give. Which is, in part, nature, but also doesn't belong in genuine love (of any kind). And this isn't just about what they give to me, not really. Some people will take admiration, loyalty, attention, sex, and a myriad other things that they aren't genuinely lacking. "I have, but I could do with more" is a poor way to treat a person, especially someone dear, and I've tried to extricate myself from such relationships.
I had a friend like that once. A genuine comet of a man, or so I thought. So I still think. He needed so much admiration, so much validation and praise and devotion and love. Loving him from up close was exhausting. Really threw me, and at first, I didn't understand why. But I think now it had a lot to do with scraping the bottom of the barrel. There was no more I could give, but still it did so little to fill his cup. Made me feel so unappreciated and insufficient. It was a complex relationship, and while I think I will love him in my heart always, as I do most of the people I've "cut out", I no longer feel those things.
A great mistake kind people make about cutting people out is this - that it must then mean you no longer love somebody. Except I don't think that's true. I think you can still love someone even from further away. There's reason why the monkey enclosure is there in the first place. Do not mingle with the wilderness. And try not to get sucked into other people's myths, when you could map out your own.
Is that a minimalist outlook? I think so, at least. Maybe you have your own take on minimalism in relationships, in which case, why not contribute to the KISS prompt #152? There's still a little bit of time.
IN a nutshell, you don't suffer fools gladly. I think I'd be scared to meet you in real life, and worry I'd make the cut.
You can absolutely love someone at a phenonemal distance. Sometimes that's the only way to love them, poor dears.
I take that first part as a great compliment. I always loved that saying :)) And don't worry, I'm a sweetheart irl and I'm sure you would.
"I have, but I could do with more"
That's what ruins relationships and many other things in life.
This was a lovely read and I concur with many of your views:)))
Indeed. A shame. Thanks, lovely!
Your thoughts on relationships are refreshingly honest. I appreciate how you balance openness with firm boundaries, keeping close only those who truly add to your life. The idea that love doesn’t always require proximity resonates. It’s rare to see someone so intentional about connections, valuing honesty over convenience. Cutting people out doesn’t mean losing love it means respecting yourself enough to walk away when necessary. That’s something I feel more people should understand.
They should, but I think it's hard to understand that. We're taught to be nice, women in particular, so it can be quite tricky. Thanks! I appreciate that :)
Yeah, that’s true. We’re taught to be polite, especially women, so it’s hard to unlearn. But setting boundaries matters! I totally get where you are coming from.
And you are welcome.
I don't really care if you have money or if you'll go on expensive trips with me, but aligning yourself blindly to any one ideology suggests a great poverty of spirit and wit I refuse to tolerate.
Damn. This entire post carries an important message but that last part of this line sums up today's world so poetically that I'd like to have it tattooed on me.
This was a very good one, my friend.
Aww that is such a nice compliment coming from you :) Thank you, Eric!
If only the world could be as honest! How often do we meet people only to discover they're wearing a mask? Sad sad world!
Those are words of wisdom, my sweet friend!
Thank you, lovely. I had that unpleasant surprise with someone very dear to me quite recently. But the good news is there's always room to change our perspective. I think sometimes you only realize after a relationship's over that those people were genuine and wanted what's good for you. Always room to grow :)
Your way of writing is so inspiring. This whole write-up feels like a symphony of self-awareness, self-love and boundaries wrapped in poetry. WOW!
I felt that bit about taking only what you need and leaving the rest. Some people gorge on others like a buffet and call it love.
Beautifully written, beautifully felt.