No shade to hoarders out there but I have a certain set of frustration living with them.
It has been costing me my sanity & I’ve had enough. So, I want to share this little story I have about how to deal with them and their problems especially when you have to co-exist.
The thing is that, my own mom is a hoarder, someone who can’t let go of things and loves the idea of just in case. There’s no just in case for me but I love her, so I am learning to tolerate her behavior while trying to also introduce my ways of living to her.
This is going to be a short one but honestly, if you want to gift a hoarder, don’t gift them things rather some type of experience. At the same time if you’re close enough to them, make them promise something if it has to do with things or physical objects.
Here’s what works with me and my mom, whenever I want to buy her some type of new dresses and or any items that will have a physical object, I will ask her to either donate or throw away her very old pieces to make room for something new in her life. It can be anything from bottled water to unused bottled of things that she’s keeping just in case.
I will not give her the new item before I am seeing the things that she will donate or throw away. Only then I have the proof, that’s the only time I am gifting it to her. Otherwise, it’s not going to happen. I do not want to end up living in a house full of trash which is some nightmares I have as I’ve seen hoarders around living in such crazy situation.
The silver lining of this all is that my mom starts understanding that and she has easier time letting go. I know, it’s not perhaps challenging depending on your relationship but if both parties come into some type of agreement and a win-win situation, that would work in your favor and theirs.
Minimemo is a serialized blog that will be published every Friday in which I’ll talk about my minimalism journey, learning and experiences co-existing with a hoarder. If you want to follow that adventure, stay tuned every Friday!
 | 𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰. |
Your mom and I are so similar! We're both hoarders, haha!
As an artist, I definitely have a hoarding side too, and it's really hard for me to let go of things I think I might use someday. I even wish I had a storage space for everything I've collected. I tend to save boxes for gifting purposes, empty plastic bottles to store my paint colors, and bubble wraps from online shopping, etc. But after two years, I ended up letting them go, so in the end, they are indeed trash, haha!
I think it’s adorable how you're planning to deal with your mom by not giving her new items until she gets rid of the old ones. That’s a clever approach! 😂
We have a lot of empty spaces still and it's what's getting me concerned because she'd collect stuff haha and I keep throwing away things like they don't matter (at least according to her). I really love sleek house that feels like hospital.
It's silly to me when someone keeps boxes but I think this habit comes out after I lived in a tiny room and I developed some type of extreme hygiene where everything has to be properly sanitized but I got over it through sometimes it gets the best of me 🤣 and living with my mom isn't necessarily the best experience.
😄 I am sure that approach should work for you as well hehe. Get rid of old things and get a new one, replacement sort of.
It's nice that your mum listens to you, even tho we know that it takes a lot for someone who likes keeping things to throw away something they like.
I think the deal is fair😅, give out and you'd receive something even better.
I love a fair deal and I am sure this helps her frees her stuff. Although to be honest, I actually still have to argue hehe
Hahaha,that means you convince her every single time 😅
Sometimes I do like that also. Keep it there just in case. I'm also trying to get rid of that habit. If I don't use it. Just throw it away😬.
That's the way to go, just get rid of it if you don't use it.
It reminds me of my grandmother, she is a compulsive hoarder hahahahahaha.
I would tell her she should throw that stuff away, please, it's no longer useful and she would tell me, you'll see, it will be needed later. She ended up being right in one way or another. How the fuck do you escape from that? It's called experience, hahahahahaha. I'm the type of person who doesn't keep things that are useless, although there is one or two things in storage. Two or three times a year I do a review and start throwing away or giving away what I don't use, I think it brings more prosperity to the household. :P
I know what grandmothers and mothers do haha perhaps once I'll be a mother, I'd be like them too? For real, someone has to break this generational problem because it's getting challenging to actually manage with the trash and our over consumption is getting out of hands
The cycle must be broken hahahahahahahaha. It is complicated to manage something so complex with people who find it hard to let go. It must not be allowed to get out of control.
Hey Mac!
I feel your pain, and I shouldn't laugh, but I like that.
I think it takes a strong will to not be a "just in case" person, and that's admirable. I have a girlfriend like that, and I admire that trait.
I also like the agreement you've come to with your mum and I think there'll be some positive effect on her in the long run.
It's hard, but keep sticking to your promise:)))
I actually if I am growing older and being a mum, I'd just be one of those "just in case" person haha. I am trying my best not to as I am anti-clutter, it drives me mad haha and that's something a hoarder can't understand I suppose. Thank you for checking out Milly :)
I identified with you too much, I go through the same situation with my mother, although we don't live together when I visit her (which is often) I am filled with anxiety. It's great what you do, I think I'm going to implement it with my mom.
Please try the trick and see if it works, at least you're getting rid of something from inside the house rather than adding new things on top of the old stuff
I am not sure if this rule works.. To get a new item, one has to remove two items. That's what I read online. Good luck on the decluttering journey with your mum!
@macchiata, I paid out 0.147 HIVE and 0.055 HBD to reward 6 comments in this discussion thread.