I've been watching 'I am A Killer' on Netflix. It's not something I'd ordinarily watch, but my sister in law recommended after we both read this article in the New Yorker about felony murder charges in America, which is totally extraordinary from my perspective. This means that even if you were in handcuffs at the time, you can be imprisoned for life if your actions either contributed toward the murder or you didn't do anything to stop it at the time.
The show's quite well done, interviewing people in prison for anywhere from 20 to 100 years, for murder. What led them to be accused? What did they do? What were the motivating factors? Do they deserve their sentence? Have they changed? Have they accepted responsibility? Do they deserve parole? I don't think there was a single case that made me think - nup, keep them in until their dying breath. There didn't seem to be a single case where these people couldn't be rehabilitated and reintegrated back into society. Most of them have already done their penance. I can't help but feel compassion for most of them (there was one guy who stranged his girlfriend and later his wife, and I thought yeah right, maybe he should stay right where he is) and wonder if the criminal justice system is always fair.
Speak to a lot of the victim's families though, and there's not many that forgive - for them, a life for a life is absolutely just. It's hard to put myself in that position because I've never lost anyone in such a horrific criminal act. But I do know holding onto anger, bitterness, resentment and the desire for revenge hurts the soul. Besides, you got to look at the circumstances that led these (mostly) men to commit murder. A lot of them grew up in terrible circumstances themselves, or were teenagers, when their ability to regulate their emotions and make decisions isn't a heightened skill. A lot of these people had done the work in prison to transform themselves - to me, reformation and transformation is a better kind of justice than the cruelty of taking your very last breath in prison. I don't know, it doesn't sit right with me.
This might seem a far cry from a 'Minimalist' community post but I was thinking how to be a better person, even a happier person, you have to shed a lot. You have to come to terms with how things are, and not hold onto what was, whilst at the same time taking responsibility for the past and moving toward a healthier future.
For #TransformationThursday in this community, they're asking what we are doing to 'reorient, reorganise and reprioritise' - a processs essential to minimalists because we always have to assess what to let go of and hang on to physically and mentally. What, in our human experience, is in dire need of transformation?
So here's the link - I am not a killer, but sometimes I want to kill people.
Whooooa there River, back up. What are you confessing to here on Hive?
Thing is, if I'm going to really be honest on what I need to let go, it's how much things have changed on 'my' coast that I grew up. There's more people - it's more crowded, there's more traffic, and a great deal of idiocy. Dogs off lead, rubbish, bad driving, bad etiquette in the water, a sense of entitlement, wanting to change the coast to be more like Melbourne. It makes me really, really angry. I just want them all to fuck off and for it to be like 1990.
It's definitely a grumpy old woman syndrome. I recognsie that - which is the first step, really. So when I find myself ranting, I rein it in, breath, and tell myself to let it go. People have the right to enjoy the coast as much as I do. There's absolutely nothing I can do to change that. I mean, philosophically I understand the nature of impermanence, right? So I need to put it into practice by accepting that things have changed, and to embrace the fact that I'm really, really lucky to live where I live, and there is much joy to be found - particularly on early winter mornings when there's hardly anyone about.
I also know resentment and bitterness doesn't serve me. Holding onto such things just hurts my soul and alters the world only for me, making it a little darker than it needs to be. I can recognise them as thoughts, breath, and let them go, focussing more on positive things, like the energy of woman in the water mellowing out line ups or the new friendships I've formed beach side, or that we've paid off our mortgage and how bloody blessed am I to not be working as much so I can even enjoy the beach at all! I mean, check my priviledge, right?
How else can one live?
Because if I get imprisoned for the rest of my life for murder, I can't surf, and that would be really fucking tragic.
With Love,
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This is quite a reflection for growth, happiness and freedom. Sometimes it's difficult to let go of the past and would always wonder "what if"
Learning to let go of resentments would help us find joy and be more appreciative of those who really care.