The other night, my husband and I were having our usual late night conversations and we talked extensively about friendships. I like hearing his opinions because we're two different people so we have mostly different experiences even though we share the same values.
My husband has a number of close friends, regular friends and a lot of acquaintances, understandably so because he's outgoing. I'm often amazed at how he meets someone new and in no time already hanging out with them. I know it's sort of a normal thing for guys but he's got a personality people are drawn to.
It's very funny when I see certain people getting attached to him when he's not really into them as much as they are into him. It is clear between us the level of friendship he has with these people but it seems people have a problem knowing their place in other's lives.
I don't mean this in a rude way, I'm just saying it as it is. A lot of people have a problem differentiating their close friends, seasonal friends and acquaintances.
I call my husband a heartbreaker because one too many times he's been in situations where he's confused about the expectations some acquaintances have of him. It's not his fault that he has a warm personality that makes people think they're pals with him, but I sometimes blame him 😄
It's always funny to see grown men calling and asking to hang out with him in the same way they'd chase a girl. Meanwhile he's wondering how they got to the extent of talking past a minute on the phone.
Unlike him, I'm not the outgoing type and I typically label almost everyone I know as acquaintances. As with everything else, I am very minimalistic with people also. I know a lot of people from different spaces I've been in but I'm not one to hold on to a thread of friendship if I don't hit it off with people.
My relationships are clearly defined and I know what I expect from different people. I don't have a particular friend group but I have only a few close friends that I rely on. For me, it's either you're a close friend or you're an acquaintance. There's really no in-between for me because I don't like to use the word 'friend' loosely. I just say friends because it's easier to say.
I was chatting with one of my high school best friends yesterday and we were talking about how we haven't seen in 10 years. It clicked yesterday that we've talked almost every day for over a decade yet we don't see each other. This kind of consistency is what I can't offer to everyone I was close to at some point, that's why they're called seasonal friendships.
It's okay to vibe with someone for a while, as much as a few years even but then you drift off. Nothing really happens, no quarrels, no beef, they just slip away. I understand how this can hurt especially when you think you were more than acquaintances but that's just life.
Sometimes, you're meant to experience people for a while and move on from them. Enjoy your moments with them while you can, share in their happiness, love them, and when the season ends, don't be mad about it.
If it's meant to be, they'd come around another season and they'd stay. Otherwise, don't keep grudges just because you're not friends anymore, that's not a bad thing. Honor your seasonal friendships. Even when you might have ended on bad terms, honor your seasonal friendships.
It's important to know your place in people's lives and not call everyone your friend. Some people have a very open and lovable personality, you just might think you have a best bud when in reality you're not their best bud. My husband has broken the hearts of grown men because they probably thought he was their best friend meanwhile this guy was just chilling with acquaintances.
I feel bad for such people for holding on to seasonal friendships and not understanding it for what it is. I know it's difficult making new friends in adulthood and it hurts losing the old ones, but people are not bad because your friendship ended.
People come, people go. Take this from the girl with a million and one seasonal friends, you'd be fine.
Discord - wolfofnostreet#4939
Twitter - wolfofnostreet_
Hello @wolfofnostreet
I relate to this TOTALLY.
When I was 17 I pissed off my classmates because I openly called everyone my acquaintances, and I had one friend. The class took massive offense to it, and I was baffled.
The thing is, my dad was the principal and I lived on the compound. Occasionally we'd do a cook-out at my house... In my mind, my house was for convenience so we would not leave the compound, not because we were friends.
I'm very social, but as minimlaistic as one could be when it comes to true friendship.
That situation never changed my perspective, but I learned early that people have different understanding or perceptions about friendship.
I think your husband is like my husband 🤣
Stay just as your are :)))
So scandalous 😅
I sure will. Thank you 😊
I think as we get older we tend to categorize our friends because we learn or realize something about them. Or maybe our priorities have shifted already and we already know how to protect our space.
Just wondering is your husband cancer or a libra?
Yeah, you're correct. We have friends for the different aspects of our lives.
Nope, neither.
Oh, heheheh.
This is so true. Like, when we level up, there like new set of friends again
Defining your relationship with someone is very important to avoid too much expectations.
I personally don't know how to keep much friends it just help me flow with everyone and expect less from them.
I think it's good to lower expectations with everyone but your close circle.
When I was much younger, probably in my 30s, we moved 80 miles away from where we'd been living and I was shocked to see how many of my "friends" just faded out of my life. I wasn't prepared for that. Now I only keep in touch with 2 or 3 real friends from that town, and 2 or 3 from the next town. It's just how things work out. I am acquainted with oodles of people where I live now, but as I get older I find I have less time and energy to keep in touch with all of them the way I'd like to. Cultivating and maintaining friendships takes time and effort, and sometimes it just gets to be too much. I really value the people I've been friends with for 50 or 60 years, even if we rarely see each other now.
That's a lot of time, you must have made genuine connections to last this long. I hope I still remain friends with my friends in 60 years 🥺
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Exactly! I just use the friend word to indicate that I have met the person before and not that we are all that close. People who I call my genuine friends are those I reason with, talk to often, share things together. When I call them friends then mean it.
Yeah, friendship seasons as you have said it, they have their time. I remember my high school best friend. He is not in Nigeria and we are not all that close like before again but sometimes we manage to call each other still now but not as often.
It's cool that you're still in contact with your friend. Even those we lose contact with, it's cool. There's no bad blood.
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STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
It’s good that you know how to set your boundaries. It’s difficult for some people.😃
It's always a messy situation without boundaries 😄 I don't like stress at all.
I understand that. You’re right, setting boundaries is so important. I’m learning to that. 😃
If only a-lot of girls will agree to this, i have someone hanging friendship over my head like its a contract...it has becomes exhausting that i am trying not to be rude about it.. i am saving this line and dropping it in her inbox soon😂😂
Esther please 😅😅 Have mercy, that's heartbreaking dropping it like that