Tokens, Mystery Woman, and the Hand that Feeds

It was late, and it was dark. The weather had been exceedingly stupid lately, which led me to feel aggravated and bull-shitty.

I scratched the back of my head.

Where is she??? I pondered.

I stood beneath a streetlamp along the narrow path. The park seemed ominous this time of night...not the same place as it was during the daytime with the AWGC doing yoga in the grass. At night the rats were in charge. As my dog Charlie and I had walked the path up to this point, the rats mostly ignored us. They were so close I could kick them...but there were a lot of them all around, so I didn't want to do anything to invite mass-retaliation. A few of them looked up at me and Charlie as we passed by; their surliness was on show, and it was nothing short of intimidating...it was clear that I was out of my league, even with my protection poodle at my side.

It had been a few days since I suggested trading my SEX tokens for sex, and my WEED tokens for weed. It had all been a f-cking JOKE!!! I thought, my mind reeling. I kept replaying the circumstances that had come out of that little joke, amazed at my foolishness. How had I let it all lead me to this? This is sheer insanity! I thought, as Charlie and I stood helplessly beneath the streetlight. My neighbor had been mastering the art of growing weed in his basement over the last few years and would bring me a pound or so every 3-4 months, to "Keep it from piling up." ...although it had still been piling up, it just was in a duffel bag under the cot in my apartment instead of in his house. I liked it, but I couldn't burn it as fast as he seemed to be able to grow it. Anyway, the point is it was a joke - I had no need to trade my WEED tokens for weed, and paying for feigned affection always felt somehow a little sad for me, so the SEX tokens thing had been just as much a joke - even though I didn't have a duffel bag full of p-ssy under my cot...

...That's what made it all so strange - the fact that she had responded to my comment and, more so, the fact that I had taken her up on her offer to meet me here.

"Nice watch", I heard a voice from beneath the veil of darkness surrounding my little island of light on the narrow path. Back home, that would have been a compliment. Out here though, a statement like that is half threat and half warning. I looked down at my sweet sweet Garmin fitness tracker. I loved that thing. Was I about to lose it over some layer 2 token scam? I had only had it for about a week, but already it had become a part of my daily life. I loved the way it woke me up in the morning and gave me insights about the quality of my rest, how it tracked my heart rate throughout the day and alerted me when I had walked enough steps or climbed enough flights of stairs. My palms became cold and clammy...my nerves calmed and my breathing slowed. The training from my past was kicking in.

I must resist... I thought, not wanting to step back into the life I had left behind. I am @albuslucimus now, not the monster they trained me to be back at the academy, back when my name was - no, I mustn't say it, not even think it...I had to do everything in my power to keep the old me from coming back.

Just give up the watch I thought.

But my metrics!!!! I argued back with myself.

They're on the cloud I countered.

What the f-ck is THAT!?!? I asked myself. It seemed this strange and mysterious detective film noir styled free-write narrative was unravelling faster than the dragging bottom hem of some 8th grader's JNCO's in the mid 90's.

Clearly, there had been a memory of some...cloud...that the old me had left embedded in neuropathy, for me to discover later.

Hey there, Albus - a second voice slithered out of the darkness. It was her. It looked like I'd have to figure out this cloud business later. The gruff stranger took off at the sound of her - she was not one to be trifled with, and it seemed he knew as much...my watch was safe for now, but my very life may not be.

"You got the tokens?" She asked. She rested a hand on my shoulder. I grappled with trying to understand why she had been carrying a severed hand, and why she would rest it on my shoulder.

I do, I replied with some hesitation. I brushed her hand off of my shoulder...it hit the ground limply with a THUD and Charlie quickly went to work on gnarling it to shreds. I pulled the tokens from my bindle...I was relieved to have them gone...the burden of all those heavy tokens had long been a source of back pains for me. Now all that remained in my hobo sack was a few scant peanuts, unsalted and still in the shell...just the way my friends liked them. Hopefully this would be over soon and I would have a peanut farm all to myself...something to show for my hard-earned layer 2 tokens. Perhaps I could set the farm up on my new floating island, hovering somewhere in the sky near a place called Boomsmoon. Honestly I was relieved, but more than that, I was excited. It had all started as a joke, but now it was becoming a reality. A few more sketchy transactions and rough nights, and I could be resting easily on the fertile soils of my special peanut farm island in the sky.

The mysterious woman retrieved a token validation device from her purse. The device gave her a direct connection to Merrill Lynch, who was allegedly planning to use the tokens to fund a factory that produces diamonds made from compressed sperms. She scanned the tokens to verify their validity. A green light illuminated as the device sounded off with two abrupt beeping tones. Merrill's voice came over the airwaves - he was finishing a conversation with someone in person it seemed. "Same to you my good man, may your venture bear the mark of all successes." His tone carried the warmth and familiarity you would only give to a dear friend or longtime associate, held in the highest regard.

...That's NOT Dan!, I thought - it must be! It had only been a day or two since we had played hot potato with a hundred dollar bill. I knew there was an acquisition he'd been gunning for in the South Atlantic - was he making his move this fast??? Uber was going to have their hands full from the sound of things.

The mystery woman frantically powered off the device - she must have known that Merrill would not be too happy to have shared his private conversation with an outsider, even if it was only in part. She shoved the tokens and device into her purse, and as if in a puff of smoke, she was gone.

Dawn was washing over the land and the amber light of morning was spreading like pimiento cheese all across the cracker that was city park. I made out two strangers not too far off, struggling with something heavy.

Need a hand? I hollered from the walkway.

Yeah man! One of them responded. Can you help us out!?

I looked down at the memento the mystery woman had left at my feet.

Yeah man, one sec, lemme give you a hand! I called back as I yanked the cold dead remnant from Charlie's ferocious death grip and headed over there. All this slapstick is gonna get me in trouble one day, I thought, as I hurled the mutilated appendage with quarterback precision...